


Brand New Eyes

by ArtemisRayne



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Gen, Rehabilitation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-07
Updated: 2011-02-07
Packaged: 2017-12-05 17:26:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/725900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisRayne/pseuds/ArtemisRayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After eight-year-old Artie is paralysed, he is on the verge of giving up. And then he meets another young boy with a similar story who teaches him the healing power of music and how to never give up on hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Invitation

"Hey, watch it!" Tina giggles as she reaches down to help me wipe away the ice cream she dripped onto my shoulder. "I knew we should've waited 'til you were done before leaving. You're messy."

"But it was crowded in there," she complains before turning her attention back to her ice cream cone. "If we'd stayed we'd have just gotten bumped around."

"Yeah, I suppose having a little ice cream dripped on my shoulder is better than having a whole cone dropped on my head again," I agree reluctantly. Tina snickers quietly at the memory and I hastily stick the last bit of my ice cream cone into my mouth to free up my hands. "Okay, I can push myself now. You keep off to the side until you're done. I don't want another ice cream shower."

Tina rolls her eyes but doesn't answer, licking vanilla off her top lip. Damn it's distracting when she does that. I face forward again, focusing on heading home while Tina walks next to me, humming as she eats her ice cream.

It's the third week of summer vacation and, as per Mr. Schue's instructions, Tina and I are enjoying our downtime. Now that we've satisfied our random ice cream craving, we're retreating back to the air conditioning of my house until the temperature drops enough that being outdoors doesn't feel horrible. Tina, being an incredibly fast eater of everything except sweets, barely finishes her ice cream by the time we reach my driveway.

"Slow poke," I tease as I go up the ramp and push open the front door. She laughs but a second later she whacks the back of my head.

"Just because I don't inhale my food like you do," she says and I can almost hear her rolling her eyes again.

"Artie, Tina, is that you?" Mom calls from down the hall. Before I even have time to suck in the breath required to answer, she sticks her head out into the hall. "You two sure took forever in getting that ice cream."

I flush at the suspicious look she's giving us. "It's the middle of the day, the place was packed," I point out. "And Tina's a slow eater. There were no detours, honest."

She still doesn't look convinced but she just smiles. "Alright then. Oh, the mail came while you were gone and I think the invitation's here. I put it in on your bed."

"Thanks Mom," I say and she ducks back into the kitchen. Tina steps up behind my chair and follows me down the hall toward my room.

"Invitation?" she asks curiously as she closes the bedroom door behind us. "I thought people stopped sending birthday invitations after the fourth grade."

I smirk at her weak attempt at a joke as I heave myself up onto my bed. "Wedding invitation," I correct and she looks up from unlacing her boots interestedly. I reach over and grab the two envelopes off my pillow, and I snort in disgust at the top one. "Junk mail," I grumble, tossing it to the side.

Tina picks it up curiously. "Advertisements for electric wheelchairs," she observes and then shakes her head. "You know, I always kinda wondered why you don't have one of these. Wouldn't it be nice to give your arms a break every once in a while?"

"So long as I've still got two working limbs, I'm going to use them," I say pointedly. Then I smile and add, "Besides, if I used one of those I wouldn't have these sexy biceps."

"Good point," she concedes and I grin as one of her hands slips around my arm.  _Hell yeah._  Taking the envelope back from her, I toss it in the direction of the trash, ignoring Tina's snort when it pinwheels straight over the top and into the side of my desk.

My curiosity takes over and I snatch up the second, smaller envelope I had dropped into my lap. Sure enough the return address reads  _Hayden West_  and when I flip it over the envelope is sealed with a sticker dictating two intertwined golden rings. Tina is leaning her head on my shoulder, watching as I pry it open and pull out the contents. I set aside the glossy card for a moment and instead pick up the folded letter.

"Artie, is that Braille?" Tina asks in awe. I nod distractedly, my eyes already panning over the typed letters running beneath the raised bumps. "Wait, you can read Braille?"

I laugh and shake my head. "Not anymore, really. I used to but it's not exactly a skill I use a lot so I'm not very good at it. That's why he prints it normally underneath now." I glance sideways and Tina is staring at me with a strange expression. "What?"

"You are seriously the most bizarre person I know," she says, shaking her head. "What non-blind person learns to read Braille?"

"If I remember right, the last time you stole my glasses and put them on you called me blind," I say with a laugh as I set aside the letter and pick up the glossy invitation. The wedding announcement is printed in a curly script in the middle of a collage of pictures of a smiling couple.

"So, who are Hayden and Emma?" Tina asks curiously.

I double-take. "I never told you about Hayden?" I ask in surprise. She shakes her head. "Oh, wow, that's weird." I bite my lip, because in reality it's not actually all that unbelievable that I've avoided mentioning the other boy. After all, we were friends for over a year before I told her about my accident. Clearing my throat, I say, "Hayden is the one who taught me to play guitar."

"I always thought you taught yourself," she says.

I laugh, shaking my head. "C'mon Tee, I'm good but not that good. I never really had any interest in music before I met him, actually."

Tina stares down at the invitation for a moment, and when she looks up at me again I recognise the same hurt look in her face that she had when she confronted me about my dream of being a dancer. I know what's coming before she says it. "Why haven't you told me about him before?"

I take a deep breath and look down at the invitation in my hand again. The girl is a pretty brunette with a sweet, compassionate smile. In every picture she has her arms around the tall blonde man. I don't fail to notice that all of the pictures are taken from his left side, hiding the scars on the right side of his face and neck. They are honestly hardly visible, but he's always been self-conscious about them.

"Artie?" Tina prompts gently.

"I don't really talk about him because I met him in the rehab centre after the accident," I admit.

Tina's eyes widen and she picks up the discarded letter, and I see the truth click. "So the Braille… is he –?"

"Blind. Yeah," I finish.

"You had a blind guitar teacher?" she asks with the faintest curl of a smile.

"Well, he's more than just my guitar teacher. He's sort of like a brother to me. He was my best friend for a long time when I didn't have any other friends." I catch the look on her face and add, "This was way before you moved here." She nods, looking reassured. "I was in a pretty bad way after the accident. Hayden is kinda the guy who helped me get back on my feet. Metaphorically, of course."

Tina nods and then looks up at me with a familiar light in her eyes. "Tell me," she says. When I simply stare at her, she rolls her eyes and laughs. "C'mon Artie, tell me the story. You know you want to. You love telling stories."

I sigh but can't deny she's right. Of course normally the stories I tell are grossly embellished if not entirely fictional. For this, she'll want the truth. I guess I owe her that much anyway, since we swore there wouldn't be any more secrets between us. "It's kinda a long story," I say.

"And we've got like three more hours before it cools down enough outside to even consider doing anything," she points out. She pushes her lower lip out as if I haven't already given in. "Please, Artie?"

"Alright, fine," I say, holding my hands up in surrender. Tina beams excitedly, instantly snatching up my pillow and making herself comfortable. Shaking my head in amusement, I prop myself up against the headboard as she settles down beside me. I glance down at Tina, curled cat-like around a pillow with her head resting on my calf, before beginning. "Well it all started in November of 2001, when I was finally released from the hospital and moved into the Northern Ohio Rehabilitation and Physical Therapy Centre…"


	2. November 2001

As I look around my new room, I immediately decide that I hate it. It's better than the room at the hospital, but I still hate it. The walls are painted a funky kinda light green and the rest of the room is a freaky mix of furniture and lots of metal junk. It makes me feel like I'm living on a spaceship or something.

'Cept a spaceship would suck less than this place.

"How do you like your new room, Artie?" I glance over my shoulder at the guy. He's a big huge black guy with no hair, but he smiles a lot and has a voice that's all super deep like Darth Vader or something. His name is Gary and he's my nurse. The way he said it, he's gonna follow me everywhere and help me learn to make my new body work.

Dr. Marshall said it's not a new body, that it's my same body only it works different. I glare down at my feet, which are just sitting there, and know he's wrong. There's no way this is my body.

"Yeah, cool," I say, not really paying attention.

Gary smiles again. "I know it's kinda boring now, but your Mama said she's gonna bring some of your things so you can make it feel homier."

I look around at the room again and frown. Nothing can make this room feel like home. The only place that feels like home is  _my_  bedroom, with the blue wallpaper and my name painted on the door and the chart on the wall that says how tall I am. But I'm not gonna see that room again. Dad said we're moving to a new house, one that's got no stairs and bigger doors and other stuff for me. He says it's gonna be cool.

I don't want it to be cool. I just wanna go home.

Gary scrunches up his mouth like he's thinking and sticks his hands in the pockets of his baggy green doctor clothes. They're kinda the same colour as the walls. "You want to stay and check out your room, or do you want to get the tour of the place?"

I stare at the stupid room and I can feel my eyes getting that burny itch. I hear my mom in my head, telling me to take big breaths 'cause that'll make everything better, but that just makes me want to go home more. "How long do I gotta stay here?" I ask Gary.

His face looks kinda sad as he kneels down in front of me, and he puts his big hands on my shoulders. "Hey kiddo, I know this all seems scary but it's going to be okay," he says in his really deep voice. "Your family is going to come visit you all the time and you can make some friends here to. And you're going to be learning all kinds of new things. And you know, you're going to build up these huge arm muscles, you're gonna look like a rock star by the time you leave. I bet all the girls will want to kiss you."

"Ew," I protest, wrinkling my nose. "Girls got cooties."

Gary laughs. "Ah c'mon, there's gotta be at least one girl you like," he says.

My cheeks feel hot and I shrug. "I dunno, I guess," I admit. "There's this girl from church, her name's  
Melissa and she's real pretty."

"Alright then, here's the deal," Gary says. "I promise before you go I'll teach you a trick you can show Melissa that'll make her think you're the coolest guy ever. Like, how about I teach you to pop a wheelie. That cool?"

I grin, imagining how awesome it would be if I could go back to church and pop a wheelie in front of Melissa. "Cool," I agree, and when Gary holds out his hand I put mine in his and shake it.

* * *

 

"Wait, wait a second." I glance over at Tina, who is grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Melissa, like Melissa Burbank?" I blush but don't answer. "You used to have a crush on Melissa Burbank?"

"Give me a break," I say defensively. "I was eight. And she used to be cute, you know, before she…" The rest of my sentence is drowned out as Tina falls over in laughter. I roll my eyes in exasperation, trying to resist my brain's natural urge to smile at the sound of her laugh. "See, this is why I don't tell you stories like this."

Tina hastily chokes back her laughs and wipes at the streaming eyes. "I'm sorry, really," she says in a rush. "I was just surprised, that's all." I raise a sceptical eyebrow that she counters with her most innocent smile. "So, I take it the wheelie trick didn't work?"

I snort derisively but that's the most elaborate answer she's getting from me. No way am I reliving that disaster.

Tina threads her hand in mine. "Well, I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not. If you'd have won her over, I might never have gotten my shot."

I try to look annoyed but I'm pretty sure she can tell I'm fighting a smile. "Thanks, Tee, I'm glad that my complete and utter humiliation was so beneficial for you," I say sarcastically.

She just smirks. "Don't be bitter, it doesn't look good on you," she says and then settles her head more comfortably on my legs. "Okay, so how does Hayden fit into all this? Was he Melissa's other love interest?"

"Hardly," I say with a laugh. "What do you think my childhood was, a daytime soap opera?"

"You are kind of melodramatic sometimes," she supplies.

"Thanks," I say and she smiles. "No, he wasn't Melissa's boyfriend, but we definitely hated each other as much at first." Tina's eyes light up interestedly and I hurry to explain. "Well you see, we didn't exactly meet with the greatest of first impressions…"


	3. The Other Boy

"And this here is the cafeteria," Gary says, stopping us in front of a big room that's filled with tables. "You can come eat here if you want, but you don't have to. You're free to eat in your room too if you're not feeling up to coming down here. But this is good place to meet people, make friends. And the food ain't half bad either. Probably better than your school food anyway."

I laugh a little, 'cause school lunch really is gross. Gary smiles and starts pushing me down the hall again. He says that by the time I leave I'll be able to push myself all over the place, but I gotta get some more muscles first.

"This is the weight room," Gary explains as we pass the room full of all kinds of work-out stuff like my brother uses to get strong for baseball. I stop thinking about that fast, 'cause I miss Jack too. "You'll be hanging out here a lot, working on those guns."

"I get a gun?" I ask, kinda confused and kinda excited.

Gary laughs and ruffles my hair the same way my dad does sometimes. "Nah, sorry kiddo," he says. "Guns are your arm muscles. See, like these are my big guns." He flexes one of his arms and he's right; it's way big. Like, bigger than my whole neck big. "You're gonna have big guns soon too."

I look down at my skinny arms and then smile. "And girls, they like big guns, right?" I ask.

"You bet they do," Gary says and he sounds all sure about it like Jack does when he gives me advice too. "They love 'em."

"More than they love good legs?" I ask hopefully.

Gary's smile does that weird thing where it kinda disappears for a second and then comes right back. "Totally," he says. "There's nothing a girl loves more on a guy than this big guns."

* * *

 

"I really do like them."

"Tee, are you going to keep interrupting me every five minutes?"

"Sorry. Continue."

* * *

 

Gary shows me around more of the Centre. I know it's got a way longer name than that, but I can't remember all the big words that were in it so I just call it the Centre. I get to see a lounge, which is like a big living room with a tv and stuff, and the hall with the doctor's offices, and even a swimming pool. He says I'll get to go in that soon too, which is awesome 'cause I like swimming.

We see a lot of other people too. Some of them say hi to me and smile. A funny old lady that's in a wheelchair like me calls me things like 'cutie pie' and 'sweet pea' and a ' _chair-ub_ ,' whatever that is. Gary tells me about them, and why they're in the Centre. There are lots of people who are older and got sick or got hurt and came here to get help. There's a guy with bandages all around his head who is growling all angry-like as he tries to scribble on a notebook with this big, huge pencil. And there are lots of people who got hurt like me and came here to get as better as they can.

I try not to, 'cause I know my mom would say it's bad of me, but I get a little mad when I see a lady using crutches to get up out of her wheelchair. Dr. Marshall said I'll never be able to do that.

When I get hungry for dinner, Gary turns us around and we go down a new hallway that's full of bedrooms like mine. He's telling me about what's for dinner, but I don't really pay attention 'cause there's this guy ahead of us. He looks like he's just a little bit older than me, and he's got a white stick in one hand and his other is sliding over the wall as he walks toward us.

"What's wrong with him?" I ask Gary curiously, because he looks pretty okay to me.

The other boy turns his head to glare at me and I bite my lip so I don't shout, 'cause he's got a ton of scars all over the right side of his face and neck like that guy from that scary movie my older brother likes to watch. He frowns real hard. "Here's a hint, midget," he says and he sounds really angry. "It's not my hearing."

"Hey now," Gary says with that same tone my dad gets when Jack and I are mean. Another nurse, an older woman with short grey hair, hurries over from where she was following the boy from several feet behind.

"Yeah well maybe you oughta teach your new kid some manners," the boy says. "Newsflash, shortstack, everybody here got royally screwed over in some way, and not all of us like being reminded that we're freaks now, okay?"

"Alright, Hayden, you've said more than enough now," the older woman says and I can tell she's mad. She sounds kinda like my mom does when I'm in trouble. She puts a hand in the curve of his elbow and starts walking him off, and he goes without complaining about it.

Gary watches them go and then comes to kneel in front of me. "You okay, kiddo?" he asks like he's worried.

"Yeah," I say, still trying to figure out what I did. "Why doesn't he like me? Did I say something mean? 'Cause I didn't mean to, I promise."

"No, you're okay," Gary says. "He's just – he isn't adjusting very well. He got hurt, like you, and he's real mad. He talks like that to everyone. You didn't do anything wrong, okay?"

He's staring at me all serious, and even though I still don't understand what happened, it feels like there is more. But I nod, and it makes Gary smile again so I think it's okay. "Good, so let's go get some dinner before all the mac-n-cheese is gone." I smile in excitement. I love mac-n-cheese.

While we were eating dinner, Gary introduces me to my night nurse, a lady named June with a long red braid. She's the one who takes over after dinner and watches over me during the night, until Gary comes back in the morning. She helps me get back to my room and get ready for bed, which takes a whole lot longer than it used to and some of it still kinda makes my stomach feel really gross when I think about it. And I hate that she has to help me take a bath. I haven't needed help taking a bath since I was a little baby.

Once I'm settled into bed, with a whole lot of help from June because my arms aren't strong enough to pull my body up from the chair and onto bed, June sits down on the edge next to me. "How you feeling, pumpkin?" she asks me all nice like.

"Tired," I say. And it's kinda true, but really I just kinda want her to go away and leave me alone. She's nice but I don't want to talk to people.

"Okay, doll," she says and she pats my head like I'm a puppy. "You get some sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow." After she shows me how to get her if I need help in the middle of the night, she flicks off the lights and leaves.

Now that I'm all alone I pull the blankets around my body more. Even in the dark the walls look that doctor-green colour and I don't like it. All of the metal bars around the room look extra scary in the dark and I feel kind of scared.

I try to get comfy but I can't. I like to sleep curled up on my side, but every time I try my body feels pulled and twisted and I end up falling back onto my back again. I make an annoyed groan and get up on my elbows to look down at the lumps under my blankets that are my legs. Except I can't feel them like legs are supposed to feel, and I can't move them like legs are supposed to move.

I fall back on the pillow and fold my arms on my chest, and my eyes are feeling all burny again. 'Cause that boy in the hallway was right. I'm a freak.

I cry into my pillow until I fall asleep.


	4. Through the Buffer

"What a jerk," Tina says grumpily. She sits up and crosses her arms on her chest, scowling. "Who does he think he is, going around and calling little kids freaks?"

"He was just a kid too," I point out.

"It doesn't matter. No one should talk like that," she says. "Especially not someone who understands what it's like." I consider, for a moment, defending my friend again but I can tell by her expression that it won't do much good.

"Should I not finish the story?" I ask, trying to hide my smile because I already know her reaction. Predictably, her eyes widen and all signs of hostility go out the window.

"No, I want to know how on earth you ended up becoming friends with someone so awful," she says, retrieving her discarded pillow and hugging it to her chest again. "I mean, he needs a serious attitude adjustment. I thought you said  _you_  were in a bad way."

"Oh I was," I assure her. "It just took a while to hit. See there's sort of this buffer zone when you go through things like I did, a little denial stage where you convince yourself that things won't actually change all that much. But once I'd run through that, well, that's when things got difficult." She's staring at me expectantly so I continue…

* * *

 

It's been three whole weeks and I'm real sick of the Centre. Gary said all the working out would make me feel better and stronger, but I pretty much just feel sore all over my body. Like way worse even than that time I raced Jake all around the school and then I was so tired I couldn't move anymore. The food doesn't taste good like at home and I miss going to my brother's baseball games and playing with my baby sister. It was Halloween last week, and I didn't even get to go trick-or-treating with Luke and Mike and Jenny like we had been planning all year.

I don't want to be here anymore. I just want it all to be over so I can go home.

"Alright, kiddo, you up to going down to lunch today?" Gary asks in that trying-to-be-happy voice he's been using lots lately. I slouch down in my seat, not listening to my mom's voice in my head that says not to do that, and cross my arms, shaking my head no. "C'mon Artie. If your arms are too tired you don't have to push yourself."

"I don't wanna go," I say, glaring mean-like at the ugly wall in front of me. Gary makes a little sigh noise, but he still goes down to the cafeteria and gets our lunches. Just like every day for the last two weeks since I made up my mind that I don't wanna go there no more. Seeing all the people that are getting better than me makes me mad and sad. And I don't like the way some of them look at me. They give me that look that's real sad, like the way Mom looked when she was talking to Grandma after Grandpa died. I'm not dead, so they shouldn't do that. It's mean and it's stupid.

When he comes back I eat the food real quiet. Gary tries to make me talk to him but I don't say anything while I pick at my sandwich with my nose wrinkled up, and he gives up same as every other day.

It's Tuesday, so after lunch I have to go to group therapy. I've tried not to go no more but Gary always makes me. He says if I don't go it'll take lots longer before I can go home. Gary tries to push me down there, but I don't let him. I don't like getting pushed all over, it makes me feel real mad that people can just move me around when they want to. Even though it hurts my arms more and it makes my hands feel real sore and scratchy, I push on the wheels on my chair to make it move down the hallways until we get to the big empty room where they do group therapies.

There's already a bunch of other people in there when Gary helps me make my chair go through the doorway. I smoosh my hand again, but I just bite my lip and try not to let people see that it hurt. I know some of the people from other days; the guy named Rick with a missing hand, the girl that's my brother's age that has big huge casts on both of her legs. There's a girl even smaller than me with all kinds of metal wrapped around her legs. And then there's Dr. Mary, she does all of the group stuff. But I don't know the rest of them.

I push myself so I'm part of the circle, close to the door 'cause my arms are too tired to make me go more. "Hi Artie, how are you?" Dr. Mary asks. She talks to me like people talk to my baby sister, and I really hate it. I just shrug and cross my arms again, looking at the floor so I don't have to look at her or any of the other people here.

"Well, let's start with a little group sharing," Dr. Mary says, like she doesn't even care that I didn't talk. They all do that. No one cares if I talk. And even when I do, they don't really listen that good. That's why I don't say stuff no more. "Calvin, do you have anything to share with everyone?"

I don't pay attention while everyone else is talking. They all say the same sort of things anyway. They talk about how they are getting better. And I'm not going to get better. I'm gonna be stuck like this forever and ever until I die. When Dr. Mary says, "Artie, do you have anything to share?" I just shake my head and keep on staring at the shiny wood floor that looks like the floor in the gym at my school.

It all goes just like it does every time, but then suddenly Dr. Mary makes this funny little noise and says, "Well hello there." I look up, wondering what she's talking about, and try to twist to look over my shoulder at the door but my back is still pretty sore and I can't twist around as good no more. "Hayden, how nice of you to join us."

It's that boy from the hallway, the really mad one that called me a freak. He walks in real slow and careful like, swinging his white stick in front of him on the floor. It makes a little tappy noise whenever it touches the ground. His nurse gets a chair and puts it down next to me, and then she takes his hand and takes him to it.

This is the first time he's come to one of these things. I've heard him from down the hallway, yelling and screaming lots. A couple days after I got here, he went real crazy. His nurse's lip was really swollen for like a week after that. I'm pretty sure he's like, evil or something.

But when I look at him, he's just sitting there in his chair, playing with the white stick in his hands. He just stares ahead like he's listening to what Dr. Mary is talking about. I'm on the side where I can see all the big white lines on his face, and they look scary this close too. I kinda want to move away, so I don't gotta be by him. And I want to give the other boy a mean glare, 'cause he was real mean to me that one time and I didn't even do nothing wrong, but he won't look at me. He just stares and listens.

I give up and look down at the floor again. Who cares if he comes to these stupid class things? I don't wanna be here anyway. Maybe I should be crazy like he was so I don't gotta come. I kinda thought about it sometimes, but then Gary is really, really big and I don't think it would work right. He might just pick me up and carry me. He can do it; he did it for the first week to move me out of my chair.

Dr. Mary says that we're done, and that she'll see us on Thursday. I don't move 'cause I don't like moving around when there are lots of other people moving. I run into them sometimes when I can't make the chair move right. And people look at me lots and watch me try to move. I hate how people stare at me now.

The boy next to me stands up and turns around to face his nurse, and my eyes get kinda wide in surprise. Because there is a bruise on his cheek that looks like the one Jack had after he got in a fight at school. I wonder where he got it. Maybe his nurse hit him back this time when he got crazy, maybe that's why he's being so quiet.

"Alright, Artie, ready to go?" Gary asks and I shrug. He gives me a look that says _lets go_  so I push my wheels to make the chair turn around. The boy next to me is swinging his stick and it hits against my foot, and the metal on my chair makes a loud  _cling_  noise.

"Oh sorry," the boy says real quick. He's looking kinda at me, and it's really weird because his eyes don't look all super mad like the last time I talked to him. He just kinda looks – sad.

"Whatever," I say, feeling too grumpy to care. Then I look down at my foot and my stomach does a really gross twisty thing that makes me feel like I'm gonna barf or something. So I say, "Not like I can feel it." Then I grab the wheels on my chair and push extra hard to get away from all of them. I don't go to dinner, and I just go straight back to my room and go to bed. When June gets here and asks me how I'm feeling, I just tell her to go away.

I really, really hate this place.


	5. Ebony and Irony

It's Sunday and I'm sitting in my room all alone. Gary left like an hour ago so at least I don't gotta deal with him giving me those weird looks anymore. I know why he's doing it. He came in to wake me up so we could go down to the church like we do every Sunday, but today I told him I didn't wanna go. I didn't tell him why and he didn't ask me lots of questions about it, but he kept making that real sad face at me. It was nice when he finally left so he could go to the church. I think I was gonna throw something at him if he didn't leave soon.

Really, I don't want to go to church 'cause I'm mad. I went to church all the time at home, and I heard all about how God thinks we're all his kids and he is s'pose to take care of us as long as we listen to him like we're s'pose to. And I did. I always listened and I went to church every week and I said my prayers like every night and I did grace at dinner and I read the Bible. But he didn't take care of me. He let me get smashed up by that car and now I'm stuck in this stupid wheelchair, and even though I prayed every night since the car crash, he still won't fix me. So I'm mad at God, 'cause that ain't fair.

What did I do wrong so I gotta be like this?

I like that the people at the Centre will finally let me be alone. For the last couple weeks since I got here they wouldn't leave me alone so there was always someone peeking in on me every couple minutes when Gary or June wasn't with me. I really don't like being watched like I'm a funky animal at the zoo. But they finally think I'm okay enough to mostly take care of myself, so they don't mind letting me alone for a little while.

I like being alone. Nobody bothers me and tries to act like everything is good and okay even though I'm a freak. That makes me so mad. Gary and June and Dr. Mary and all the other doctors tell me that when I can go home then everything will be all normal and it will be just like it was before the car crash. But I know it won't, 'cause before the car crash I could walk. I can't do that no more. That's not normal.

The Centre is really quiet right now, 'cause lots of people are gone to church. It's nice that there's not lots of people always walking past my door. I push my chair across the room and pick up one of the books my mom brought for me when she came here the day after I moved into this place. It's a book about a super spy, who travels all over the world and saves it from evil people that try to take it over with their crazy sciencey weapons. It's one of my favourites and I've read it like a hundred times. I want to be a spy like that when I grow up. But then my stomach does that twisty thing and I frown. 'Cause they don't have super spies in wheelchairs.

I make a loud angry noise and throw the book across the room, and it hits the wall and falls down on the floor with the pages all bent up under it. My eyes are doing that burning itch and that just makes me more mad 'cause I don't wanna cry. I'm sick of crying like a little baby. It's stupid and I don't wanna, but all this just sucks so much and I can't stop it and it doesn't get any better.

I rub at my eyes to make the stupid tears go away, and then I push my chair out of my bedroom. I don't know where I'm going, but moving and have to think about pushing on the wheels and the way I gotta push to make it turn the corners makes me stop thinking about super spies and how much my life sucks now. So I go around the Centre, ignoring the nurses and doctors that say hi to me when they pass and don't even look into the rooms I'm going by. I just move.

By the time I get around passed the cafeteria and swimming pool, my arms and shoulders and hands all hurt really bad so I stop. I sit by the wall, rubbing my stupid hands together to make them stop hurting and staring at my stupid feet that just sit there being all stupid and broken. My eyes still feel itchy but at least I'm not crying no more.

As I'm just sitting there, I can hear something and it makes me look 'round. 'Cause it's something that I don't hear a whole lot around here. It's music, something old like what my Grandma listens to, from somewhere down the hall. I push my wheelchair forward, trying to find where the music is coming from. It gets louder the more I go down the hall, and then I stop at the door to the lounge room.

There's someone sitting at the piano in the corner of the room, playing so fast that his hands are like a big blur. I only have to look a little longer to see that it's that guy, the jerk kid with the scars on his face that walks really slow. I kinda want to turn around and leave when I figure that out, but then I don't. 'Cause he's really good at the music, like even better than anybody I know.

The stick he carries 'round all the time is folded up in the back pocket of his jeans, and he's got his eyes closed while he plays, his body sorta swaying back and forth. He looks real focused, biting his lip like Jack does before he hits a home run. The music is real nice too and it makes me think of the nights that I had sleepovers at Grandma's house and she would listen to this kind of music while we made cookies together.

Jerk Kid stops playing after a little while, sitting up and stretching his arms out. I try to turn and go away before he sees me, but I hit my chair against the doorway again. He turns to look at me and he looks real nervous. "Who's there?" he asks.

I sit real still, staring back at him. He's looking at me, but there's something funny about his eyes and they kinda keep moving around real fast. And then I figure it out. That's why he walks so slow and he's got that stick and holds onto his nurse's arm when he's walking around. He can't see nothing.

"I'm sorry," I say real fast, 'cause I think he didn't want people to be watching him.

Jerk Kid shakes his head and kinda relaxes. "No, it's cool," he says. One of his hands is still on the piano and I can see that his fingers are still tapping even though he's not pushing the keys hard enough to make them make noise. "I just – I didn't know someone was watching."

"I didn't mean to," I say. "I just heard the music and didn't know where it was from."

"It wasn't bothering you, was it?" Jerk Kid asks, looking kinda nervous again. I shake my head, and then remember that he probably can't see me so I say no. He smiles just a little and nods, but he looks like he's thinking real hard. "You sound familiar," he says. "You – are you that kid in the wheelchair? The one from group?"

"My name's Artie," I say and then I remember that I don't like this guy. Even if he can play the piano real good.

He nods again and says, "I'm Hayden. And I –" He stops and makes a weird face, pushing his hand through his hair so it sticks up funny. "I'm sorry about what I said your first day."

I'm real surprised at that, and he sounds like he really means it. "Whatever," I say with a little shrug. "It was true."

Hayden's face looks kinda sad. "Yeah well just 'cause it's true doesn't mean I shoulda said it."

I nod. I can see the bruise that's on his cheek, a really gross looking yellow-brown colour, and I ask before thinking about it. Mom says I do that a lot, that I  _heredited_ it from my dad. "What happened to your face?" Hayden puts a hand over the other side of his face, trying to cover up the scars and looking kinda angry again. It takes me a second 'fore I figure out why. "No, I mean the bruise," I say real quick.

"Oh, that," he says and lets his hand fall down into his lap. He smiles a little, although it looks like it's not a really happy smile. "My sister punched me."

"Why?" I ask. Jack and I wrestle sometimes, but he's never hit me before.

"Because I've been being a real jerk," he said and now his smile just looks sad, even though that's weird because smiles are supposed to be happy, not sad. "She got mad at me for being so mean, and she hit me."

"Wow," I say. "I think Mom would kill Jack if he hit me."

Hayden laughs a little. "Well Mom wasn't real happy about it," he says with a shrug, "but I kinda deserved it. I mean, this all sucks, but that doesn't mean I can be a jerk to everyone. That won't make it better, you know?" I don't answer, 'cause I'm thinking about it. Am I being a jerk? I didn't think I was, but maybe I kinda am. Would Mom be okay if Jack hit me right now, if it made me be nicer?

"You still there?" Hayden asks, his eyes getting real thin like he's squinting to look around.

"Yeah," I say, after I nodded again and remembered he wouldn't see it.

Hayden nods and then turns back to the piano. "Well I'm gonna stay and play a bit more before everyone gets back from church," he says. "You – uh – you can stay and listen some more if you want. I don't mind." I watch him tap his finger along the keys and he's mouthing something, and then I realise he's counting the keys. He stops when his hand reaches the middle and sets both his hands on the keys. Then he closes his eyes, bites his lip, and starts playing another song.

I only sit there and think about it for a second before I push my chair the rest of the way into the room and stop to listen.

* * *

 

"Wow, dramatic change much?" Tina asks in awe. She laughs under her breath and says, "Artie, your story is suffering from serious character inconsistencies."

I laugh as well, shrugging my shoulders more comfortably against the headboard. "You have no idea how much of a change he went through," I agree.

"Yeah well it sounds like you were a bit of a personality flip-flopper too," she says and I can see that there's something more serious in her eyes beneath the teasing. "One minute you're normal and then depressed and then bitchy and then normal again."

"That's basically how my life was at that point," I admit and I see the flash in her eyes darken just slightly. "I have always been a pretty optimistic person, but it was hard there. Spending every day working so hard and not feeling like it's getting you anywhere. I watched people get better and leave, and it was tough on me to know that it wouldn't work that way for me." My jaw tightens just slightly at the look on her face. "Don't pity me, Tee."

"I don't," she says quickly. Her hand weaves with mine, giving my fingers a comforting squeeze. "I'm just trying to imagine what it must have been like."

"It was hard," I say blankly, and I feel her hand grip mine a little tighter. "At least until I found something else to make the rest of it less painful."


	6. Lessons Learned

I start going to the lounge every Sunday morning, right after Gary leaves to go to the church. Hayden told me he goes in there to play when most everyone's gone 'cause he don't wanna bother other people with the noise. Sometimes he talks to me, but mostly he just plays and I listen. He plays lots of different kinds of songs, like sometimes he plays those old songs my Grandma likes and sometimes songs I recognise from church and even a couple songs I know from Disney movies I watch with my little sister.

It's kinda weird, but we don't talk to each other outside the lounge either. He says hi to me sometimes at group, but we don't talk more than that. I still eat all my food in my bedroom and don't answer Gary when he tries to talk to me. I don't say nothing in group, and Hayden don't either. He always just does that same thing where he stares and listens. But then on Sunday morning I go into the lounge and he'll smile and say hi and then just start playing. It's weird, but at the same time it's kinda nice too.

There's no noise in the lounge when I get there this morning and I think that maybe Hayden's gone. But he's in there, sitting at the piano and just staring at the keys, 'cept I know he's not really looking at 'em 'cause he can't see. He turns a little when he hears me come in and his smile is that sad one again.

"Hey Artie," he says and then looks at the piano again. I sit and watch him, wondering if maybe he ain't gonna play anything today. I don't get to ask though before he says something. "Is your family coming up on Thursday?"

I gotta think about it before I figure out what he means. Thursday is Thanksgiving. "I think so," I say with a little shrug. "Mom said they maybe might come."

Hayden nods, and he puts a hand on the keyboard and pushes a little song that kinda sounds like the nursery songs Dad sings to Lizzie when he puts her to bed. "It's weird thinking about having Thanksgiving in this place, huh?" he says. I nod, because he's right. When I think of Thanksgiving, I think of eating turkey and pumpkin pie at Grandma's house with all my cousins. It don't seem right to eat it here in the cafeteria. "My family isn't coming."

"Why not?" I ask 'cause I'm surprised. He talked about them once, his mom and his sister who's his twin, and he said they all loved each other lots and that he missed them. It makes no sense that they wouldn't come.

"I asked them not to," he says in a really heavy breath, like it makes him tired to say it. "After I had that fight with my sister, I asked them not to come anymore. I – I don't want them to see me until I'm better. I don't want Nikki to remember me like this, all confused and messed up and kinda crazy. I don't want her to see me until I can be a good person again."

I stare at him, 'cause that's a real crazy thing. But then it also kinda makes lots of sense. I can see it makes Mom and Dad and Jack sad when they come to visit and see me get mad and that I have hard times pushing myself 'round. Lizzie is really little so she probably don't get it, but I'm her big brother and I don't want her to remember me being a wimp either.

Hayden shakes his head and sits up straighter. "Anyway, where was I?" He taps his fingers over the keys again, pushing a couple to hear the sound, and then he starts playing an old song that I know I heard once but don't know what it's called. I sit and think about what he said while he plays the songs, and I'm still thinking 'bout it when he gets done.

"Later, Artie," he says and stands up. He pulls the white stick – cane, he said it's called, even though that makes me think of old people – and unfolds it so he can use it to walk across the room. At the door he says, "See you in group," over his shoulder and then leaves.

I look over at the piano and then push myself over real curious. I have to reach real far to reach past the bench and get my hands onto the keys. Kinda nervous, I push down a key and hear the noise it makes. I smile and push another and notice the difference in the sound. It seems kinda weird but I keep pushing on different little white keys and think that maybe I'm making music too. It doesn't sound real good like when Hayden plays, but it's still kinda cool.

By trying to remember watching my dad do it and by doing lots of guesses, I figure out how to play something that sounds sorta like Mary Had a Little Lamb. It makes me so excited I laugh and try to play it again. This is awesome. It's something that's cool, and I can do it without my stupid feet. I can make music.

"I didn't know you could play." I turn around real fast, my hand hitting the keys kinda hard and making them make a loud, bad sounding noise. Hayden is standing by the door again, his head tilted a little to the side while he looks at the piano.

"I can't," I say with a little shrug. My cheeks feel real hot 'cause he caught me, and it's dumb 'cause he can play real good and I can't. "I just – I wanted to try."

"So you figured out how to play that on your own?" he asks and he looks surprised. "Cool." He bites his lip and I can see him twisting his cane around between his hands again. I've figured out he does that when he's thinking hard. He kinda does it a lot. "I could teach you a couple songs if you want," he says and he sounds kinda nervous, like I do when I'm afraid I said something that will make people mad at me.

"Really?" I ask and turn to look at the piano real excited. He could teach me to play more songs so I can make more music?

Hayden smiles and walks real careful like back to the piano. He grabs the bench and slides it to the side a little so it's only half in front of the piano, and then he sits down. It takes a little bit of backing up and moving around, but then I get my chair into the spot next to the piano at the end where the keys make deep sounds.

"Okay, let's try that one you were just playing," he says and reaches down the keys to poke one in front of me. He pokes two more before he says, "This is a C, start here."

I have no idea what a C means, but I put my finger on the key he said and he finds a place for himself at the other end where the sounds are high. "Alright, now follow what I do," he says and he presses his key, so I do too. Then he moves to the key to the left of it, and I do the same thing for mine. I follow all of the ways he moves down the keys and it sounds even more like the right song than the way I did it myself. We play through it a couple times and each time we go faster and faster 'til it sounds like a real song.

"Cool!" I say when we stop, and Hayden laughs.

"Wanna learn another?" he asks and I agree. We're still at the piano when Gary comes and finds me for lunch.

* * *

 

"Wait a minute, so you can play the piano too?" Tina asks in awe. "Wow Artie, how many other hidden talents do you have?"

"I can count to ten in seven languages," I offer and she smiles. "Oh and I make pretty awesome chocolate chip cookies."

She nudges me with her elbow playfully. "Okay, Mr. Jack-of-all-trades."

I smile and shake my head. "Actually I never learned to play anything more than a few nursery rhymes. There was some more drama that came up after that and it kind of got in the way."

"More drama?" Tina says in surprise. "I thought we'd gotten to the part where the drama was over."

I snort. "More like the calm before the storm."


	7. No More Thanks

This is really weird. That's what I think as I look around the cafeteria. There are lots more people in here than normal, 'cause lots of the people who gotta live here like me have family visiting them. There are cardboard pictures of Indians and the weird guys with belt buckles on their heads on the walls. My family is all sitting at a table with me, Mom with Lizzie on her lap and Dad and Jack, and we're eating turkey and mashed potatoes off trays like school lunch.

Real weird.

Everyone is trying to talk like it's normal, which just kinda makes it feel weirder. Dad is talking about something that happened at work, but I'm not really listening. I just kinda push my potatoes around my tray, making little mountains and stuff with my spoon.

"Artie, honey?" Mom asks real soft and I look up curious. "Are you okay?"

"Yep," I say and go back to trying to make a gravy river between two potato mountains. The table is sorta quiet for a sec, and I look up again. Everyone is looking at each other real weird and then they go back to talking. Well, everyone 'cept Lizzie. She just keeps sticking her hands in Mom's potatoes and then sucking on 'em. She's only two and she don't really get how to use a spoon good yet. But she's funny, so I like her.

Mom keeps talking about stuff from home and funny things Lizzie did, and Jack talks about stuff that happened at school. And I try not to get mad 'cause I wish I was home to see Lizzie knock the garbage can in the living room over on her head and that I could go to school.

"So Artie, how are things here?" Dad asks. He's smiling but it looks weird, like he got kicked in the stomach or something. "Is therapy going well?"

"I guess so," I say and shrug a little. "It makes me sore but Gary says I'm doin' good. And I kinda got guns now, see?" I push up my sleeve and flex my arm, grinning all proud like. My arms aren't huge like Gary's, but they aren't real super skinny no more. Jack leans over and squeezes my muscle and then laughs.

"Looking good, Shorty," he says and I grin even bigger. "You're gonna be able to beat me at arm wrestling here soon."

"With muscles like that, he'll already be able to take me," Dad says and laughs. I smile and then finish eating all of my food. The family talks some more, and then a little bit later the people that cook the food give out pumpkin pie to everyone. I don't like it much though. It's dry and crumbly, not all soft and mushy and warm like Grandma's.

When we finish the pie, my family's gotta get ready to go home. They still gotta drive all the way back to Lima and Mom says their supposed to stop by Grandma's for at least a little while. I wish I could go with them, but the nurses say I'm still not healthy enough to leave the Centre yet. In a couple weeks maybe I can leave if my nurse goes with me, but not yet.

Dad and Jack make jokes when they hug me and they say they'll come back and visit, and maybe bring me some good pie. Mom's eyes get all wet when she says good-bye and that makes me feel weird. Like both mad and really sad and kinda sick. Then Lizzie tries to hug me, but all she can reach is my legs. I can't feel it and that makes me really feel sick.

"Lizzie, don't," I say and try to push her away. She grabs my hands and looks up at me. She's got blue eyes just like me and Jack and Dad, but hers seem super huge.

"Awtie," she begs and giggles kinda funny, and then she reaches up like she wants me to pick her up. I think about it for a bit, and then I grab her around the waist and pick her up. She's getting kinda heavy and my arms are sore, but I get her into my lap. She hugs me real tight and I hug her back. But then I look down and see that she's standing on my legs, and I can't feel that neither. I think I kinda need to puke.

"Okay, Liz, go away," I say and I pull her off me. When Mom picks her up out of my lap, Lizzie looks real sad like she might cry. That makes me feel bad but I don't want her here no more and my eyes are starting to itch. "Bye," I say to my family and then I turn around and start pushing myself away to my room.

"Artie." I hear Mom following me and she catches up real fast. I'm not a very fast pusher yet.

"Leave me alone," I say and I try to shake off the hand she puts on my shoulder.

"Sweetie, don't do this," she says, real sad. "She just misses you, that's all. We all do."

"So let me go home," I say and I'm crying and kinda yelling now. "I don't wanna be here no more. Take me home and then nobody's gotta miss me no more."

"I wish we could, honey," Mom says. She's crying too, and that only makes me wanna cry more. "I really wish we could but you need to stay here and get help to get better. You've always been my strong boy, you've got to be strong for me just a little while longer." She's combing my hair with her fingers like she used to do when I was really little, but that just makes me mad 'cause I'm not a baby no more and she shouldn't treat me like one.

"Just go away," I say and I grab her hand and push it away. "You gotta go to Grandma's. Go away and leave me alone."

Mom makes a sad little noise. "Please, Artie, don't do this to me," she says all quiet like. "I don't want to have to leave with you mad at me like this. It already breaks my heart every time I have to leave you here."

And that's when I get real crazy. 'Cause I'm just already mad from everything else and I don't even think what I'm saying no more so I just say it. "So go away and don't come back no more then," I say real loud, really yelling now. Like the kind of yelling that if I did it at home I'd be grounded for like ever. "Then you don't gotta be sad when you go. I don't want you here no more. None of you. Don't come back 'til I'm all better so I can go home, and that'll be better."

Mom puts her hands over her face and she's crying loud now, and that kinda makes me less mad. I feel bad, 'cause I didn't mean to get mad at her. She's my mom and I love her and I shouldn't have said what I did 'cause it was mean. But then she looks up at me and she nods. "Okay, sweetie, if that's what you want," she says. She reaches out and rubs the tears off my face, and then she kisses me. "Call home if you need us, okay? If you need anything or if you just wanna talk." I don't know what to say, so I just cry some more and nod. "I love you, baby boy."

She kisses me again, and then she turns around and leaves. I feel really sick now and I kinda think about following her, but I don't. I go back to my bedroom and push the door closed and then I throw a fit. I push things off the tables and throw stuff across the room and cry a whole lot. And then when I'm tired, I don't even get out of my chair. I just put my arms on the bed and put my head on them and sit like that 'til I fall asleep.

* * *

 

"Oh Artie, you didn't?" Tina is staring at me with wide eyes that look just the slightest bit moist, and her grip on my hand has become almost painfully tight.

I shrug, feeling a bit self-conscious about this memory. I have apologised about a hundred times since that night, but I still feel bad every time I think about it and the utter heartbreak I'd seen in my mom's face at what I said. "It was a hard time, and I wasn't exactly thinking clearly," I say quietly.

"But you took it back, didn't you?" she asks hopefully. "You called her and said you were sorry and that you still wanted her to come see you."

"Sort of," I admit awkwardly and Tina's look of shock gets stronger. "I did call and apologise eventually, but I didn't take back what I'd said. The more I thought about it, the more I knew I was right and what I did to her that night was just more proof of it. I didn't want them to see me when I was so screwed up that I went off about the littlest things. I couldn't handle watching my mom or Lizzie or any of them crying again. Not because of me."

Forgoing her pillow entirely, Tina slides up the bed to sit directly next to me. She wraps her arms around me and nuzzles against my chest, and the warmth and comfort is reassuring when I'm feeling so worked up about what happened. She takes a deep breath and says, "Okay, so what happens next?"


	8. Bad Day Bonding

I wake up feeling really sick. My stomach is all twisty and my eyes hurt and my body is all sore. There's a spot in my back that feels like someone is poking me with a pen. I'm in bed, 'cause June came in and made me move from my chair to the bed when she found me last night. But I really don't feel good and I just want to stay here forever.

Gary comes in to get me out of bed but I just grumble at him and try to go back to sleep. He won't let me, which makes me mad, but he won't stop bugging me so I have to get up. My breakfast is lumpy oatmeal that smells like pumpkin and cinnamon, and it makes me think about last night. I feel even sicker. I eat so Gary will shut up, but it makes my stomach all gross.

I gotta go lift weights, which really sucks 'cause I'm super sore. Like sore the way I felt at the hospital after they stopped giving me the medicine that made the pain go away. So like, sore like I just got hit by a car again. Gary lets me go kinda easy today, but it still makes me hurt a ton. When we finally get done and go back to my room for lunch, all I wanna do is go back to sleep again.

For lunch we get to eat more turkey and potatoes like last night and that really makes my stomach feel yucky.

When I can't eat no more, Gary makes me go through all my stretches that I'm s'pose to do and then he finally lets me go back to bed. I lay down and stare at the roof and try to go to sleep, but my head feels like it won't shut up. After a little bit Gary goes away, so I just listen to the quiet in my room and the noises from the people outside.

Last night sucked. I'm real confused and I don't want to think about it, but my brain won't listen. It was all weird at first, and then it was just bad. Like, I didn't mean to yell at Mom like I did, but they all just made me so mad. They all look at me kinda funny and I hate it. I'm mad that I yelled, and I'm mad that they made me yell, and I'm mad 'cause Mom didn't get mad at me for yelling. I'm mad at me for being stupid, and my family for being stupid, and this place for being stupid, and a whole lot of other stupid things. It's stupid and I don't like it, and this all just sucks so much.

I kinda wanna call Mom and say sorry, but then I don't 'cause I'm mad. 'Cause she just let me yell. And she listened and she even said I was right and then she just left and leaved me here alone when I was so mad and I don't know what to do no more. So I change my mind and say I don't wanna call her and I rub at my eyes 'til they don't burn no more.

It's a long time later when someone knocks at the door and I look over fast. Hayden is standing there looking kind of scared and his eyes move around a lot like he's trying to see something. "Artie? Am I in the right place?" he asks slow like.

"What're you doing here?" I ask, confused. I push myself up with my elbows so I can sit up.

Hayden lets out a breath. "Oh good, I was scared I'd walked into the wrong room," he says and laughs. "I'm still not good with my numbers yet and I thought maybe I'd read the room number wrong." He twists his cane in his hands. "Can I come in?"

"Uh, sure," I say. I reach down and grab my feet and pull them around like Gary showed me, so I can make room on the bed for him to sit. Hayden swings his cane in front of him when he walks in, and he sorta stops for a sec every time it hits a piece of furniture.

"Is that the bed?" he asks when his cane taps on the leg of the bed. I say yes and he puts out his other hand and feels around 'til he puts his hand on the edge of the mattress. "I'm not going to sit on you, am I?" he asks and runs his fingers over the wrinkly blankets.

"Nah, I'm all over here," I say and he nods. He sits down careful like and then scoots back.

"Wow, your bed is lots lower than mine," he says and he's folding up his cane while he's talking. It's real cool to watch, 'cause it just like breaks apart into smaller pieces but it's still all stuck together with like a real thick string in the middle. When it's all folded up he sticks it in the back pocket of his jeans like normal.

"They made it short for me," I say. "So I can get in it by myself, 'cause my chair's kinda low too."

Hayden smiles. "I think they made mine higher just so I would run into it," he says and I laugh a little before I think that maybe that was mean. I pro'lly shouldn't laugh that he can't see things. "I never noticed how there are lots of things on the floor until now, and now I think I trip over everything."

"I'm sorry," I say, kinda not sure.

"I'm not," he says and now I'm real confused. "I used to trip a lot before too, but I always tripped over my feet. I guess least now I have a reason for falling down, right?"

I smile and nod, and then remember and say, "Yeah." We just kinda sit there for a minute. He's tapping his fingers on his legs like he's playing piano – he does that all the time too even when he ain't near a piano – and I'm being confused 'cause we don't talk to each other 'cept on Sundays in the lounge, but he's here in my room.

"Where'd you go yesterday?" I ask after a minute. "I didn't see you like all day."

"I was hiding out in my room," he says and shrugs a little. "I, uh, I didn't want to be around all those families and stuff. So I stayed in my room and practised my reading. I'm getting faster kinda." He looks kinda nervous again and says, "How did Thanksgiving go for you? Your family came up, right?"

I frown and nod. "Yeah, they was here," I say kinda cold like and I start staring down at the floor 'cause I don't wanna look at him no more.

"It didn't go good, did it?" Hayden asks. I shake my head real hard but I can't make myself say nothing 'cause my stomach feels so gross. Hayden just nods like he knows anyway. "I didn't think so. I, uh, I could hear you. Last night. I could hear you yelling from down the hallway. What happened?"

And then I just say it all. I talk about everything that happened last night and about dinner and the bad pumpkin pie and my baby sister hugging my stupid legs and Mom crying and me yelling. All of it. "And then she just left and I don't know what to do," I finish. "I don't want her to be mad at me and I don't wanna be mad at her, but I can't say it 'cause I think I'll yell again and I don't wanna do that neither and I don't wanna make her cry no more. It sucks!" I breath out really heavy and look at him. "Is this what happened to you too?"

"Kinda yeah," Hayden says. His fingers are tapping super fast now. "I was trying to find something, and Nikki tried to help me. I got really mad and started yelling at her, saying that I didn't need people to be helping me and told her to stop treating me like a freak. That's when she got pissed and she said she hated me and that I should stop being stupid and just be her brother again. And then she punched me. I felt real bad, 'cause I made her cry and I made her hate me and that was way worse than all the other stuff that happened. So I told Mom they shouldn't come back again 'til I was better."

I feel even more sick when I think about it. Does Lizzie hate me for making her go away? Or Jack? Or Dad and Mom? I don't want my family to hate me.

"Hey Artie," Hayden says and he's smiling again. "You wanna maybe do something fun? 'Cause Maggie was saying that after dinner they're gonna play a Christmas movie in the lounge. We should go watch it."

I talk without thinking again. "But you can't watch movies," I say, confused.

Hayden laughs a little. "I can listen to them," he says and shrugs. "So I guess you can watch it and I'll listen. I only like Christmas movies for the music anyway. And if I get confused then maybe you can tell me what's going on." Maybe being able to help my new friend makes me feel really good, so I say yes real fast. "Awesome, let's get some dinner then. I'm starving."

He unfolds his cane and waits for me in the hallway when I move myself into my chair. It takes a couple minutes 'cause my stupid foot don't wanna stay on the little footrest thing right, but then I finally get it there. I push myself out there and we turn to go to the cafeteria. I look over, but Hayden isn't next to me. He's behind me. I twist and I can see he's got his hands on the handles on back of my chair and my stomach gets kinda cold.

"Don't," I say fast, trying to reach back and push his hand away but that spot in my back that hurts won't let me turn far enough. "Don't push me. I don't like it when people push me."

"I'm not," Hayden says fast-like. "I'm not pushing. I'm just – you're leading me, actually. This way I don't gotta use the cane, 'cause I don't think you're gonna make us go into a wall, right?"

And then I figure it out. He's behind me so he don't have to worry about running into things or tripping over stuff on the floor. "Oh, okay, I – that's okay then," I say and then I start pushing my chair again. Hayden keeps leaning on the back and he talks a lot while we're going to the cafeteria, but even though I'm tired it don't feel as hard to push myself around with a friend with me.

* * *

 

"That's a smart idea," Tina says and the sadness has left her eyes, replaced with bright curiosity again.

"It was a trick too," I say with a laugh. "He really was helping push, he just pretended that he wasn't so I wouldn't make a scene. It took me a long time to actually figure out what he was doing, but I never did say anything about it because it was actually helping him too. Thinking that we were helping each other out with our disabilities, it made being disabled just a little bit easier on both of us."

"So you guys went and saw that Christmas movie, then?" she asks and smiles.

"Yeah,  _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer_ ," I explain. "You know, that old stop-motion one with the elf that wants to be a dentist and the Burl Ives snowman. It was the most fun I'd had since I'd been in that place. It was a bit of a big night too. It was the first time I'd eaten a meal outside of my room in weeks, apart from Thanksgiving. And it was the first time I actually went to one of the Centre's evening activities since I'd gotten there. I remember I thought it was so cool because Hayden knew all of the songs from the movie word-for-word."

Tina is watching me, that curious expectancy still in her eyes, and I feel my smile fade a little as my thoughts jump forward to the next part of the story. "It was good to have a nice day before everything went to hell again," I say and I see disappointment on her face. "It turns out there were a lot of little things I didn't know about, and they all came to light one after the other. It wasn't pretty."


	9. Towards the Edge

Watching Christmas movies in the lounge is a lot of fun, and I'm still feeling more happy when I wake up in the morning on the next day. I don't even fight with Gary when he says we should go down to the cafeteria for breakfast. My back still hurts but I try to not think about it when we go down and work with the weights. Hayden and his nurse Maggie sits with us when we have lunch in the cafeteria, and it's lots more fun than eating in my room alone with Gary.

After lunch Gary takes me down to the pool and we work on my swimming. It's way more fun than pushing weights, even if it does still make me way tired. I still gotta use the little floaty things they wrap around arms on little kids, but I'm getting better and Gary says if I practice lots then I can probably swim without 'em someday. That'd be cool, 'cause then I could still go swimming with my friends. I can't go play soccer or baseball or stuff with them no more, but at least we can still go swimming.

I'm tired so I go back and sleep 'til dinner, and then we go down and eat in the cafeteria with Hayden and Maggie again. Hayden tells me about a new song he's gonna play tomorrow and which ones he wants to teach me and how he read a whole page from a book without messing up bad today. And I go to bed real excited for tomorrow.

When I wake up I just wanna go back to sleep. My body hurts all over and my back is the worst. I try to twist to roll over on my stomach, but it just makes my back hurt bad so I don't do it. Gary comes in and makes sure I'm awake and when he asks if I'm okay I just say yeah. I'm just sore and since I comed here I'm always sore. He helps me get dressed, or mostly he just watches me 'cause I'm getting kinda good at doing it myself now, and then we go have breakfast real fast so he can go to the church. He don't even ask if I wanna go no more like he used to.

When I'm all finished eating, I go down to the lounge to meet Hayden. He's already playing. I can hear it from all the way down the hall. It's a real cool, fast song and it sounds way awesome. I have to move kinda slow 'cause I'm so sore but then I finally get to the lounge and I stop just inside to watch. He's got that funny look on his face he gets when he's focusing real hard and his whole body is moving while he plays. He don't sit still much. He's swaying back and forth and his head is moving up and down and his feet are tapping.

I frown and stare harder at his feet, 'cause I never noticed him doing that before. But his foot is going up and down and it's pushing on something. Something hooked to the piano. I gotta stare at it for a little bit more before I figure out it's a little foot pedal that's stuck to the piano. Every time he pushes it, the music sounds a little different.

And then I feel really sick. 'Cause I figure out that to play piano good like him, I gotta use my feet too. 'Cept I can't.

I'm mad. Like way more mad than ever. I leave real fast, going all the way back to my room as fast as I can even though my arms feel like someone set me on fire. I don't stop 'til I'm in my stupid ugly green room, and then I just sit there and stare and the walls and breath real heavy.

He lied to me. He said I could play piano, and he was teaching me all those cool things, but he lied. 'Cause I can't use my feet but he does and that's what makes the music good. My music isn't good 'cause I can't make my feet push the stupid little pedal thing. I thought I could be good at something but I can't. I can't be good at anything no more 'cause I'm stupid and broken and it's not fair.

I grab the pictures on the table by my bed and I throw them real hard at the wall. The one in the frame makes a loud crack noise when it hits the floor. It makes me feel better, so I start grabbing more stuff and throwing it. I don't scream, 'cause my throat feels like I tried to swallow a whole orange but it's stuck in the middle, but my eyes feel really dry. I just keep going back and forth across the room and throwing things 'til everything is a mess and it's hard to even move around 'cause my wheels get stuck on things.

Then I just sit there, kinda by my little desk 'cause I don't wanna reach down and move things so I can go somewhere else. So I just sit and stare at the floor and cry. 'Cause it ain't fair. I don't wanna be like this. I can't do nothing no more, so what am I s'pose to do the rest my life? Just sit here and be stupid and do nothing? I don't wanna. I wanna get up and go play soccer with my friends and chase Lizzie in the yard and be a super spy and travel all over the world catching bad guys and just play a stupid piano. I wanna do things like that but I can't. And it ain't fair.

It's been a long time and my eyes don't feel burny no more, but I still don't wanna move. I know I'm gonna be in trouble when Gary comes back and sees the mess. He's gonna make me talk about it and then I'm gonna have to see Dr. Mary and Dr. Trevor and they'll make me talk about it some more. And they'll say the same stuff like they always do, that just 'cause I'm busted up like a freak don't mean I can't still do everything like I wanna. I don't wanna listen to it no more, 'cause they're wrong.

I think maybe I just wanna go back to bed and never get out of it again. Not wake up no more in this stupid broken body that isn't mine.

"Artie?" I look up at the doorway and Hayden is standing there looking kinda scared. "This is the right place, right?"

"Go away," I say.

Hayden looks sad. "I just came to make sure you were okay," he says but he sounds kinda quiet. "You didn't show up today, I just –"

"I said go away," I yell and he takes a little step back. "This is your fault. You tricked me."

"What'd I do?" Hayden asks all confused.

"You said I could do it, and I listened 'cause I thought you was right," I shout. "I thought you were my friend. You were helping me. But you  _lied_. You made me think I could do it, but I can't, 'cause you gotta use your feet. This is your fault!"

Hayden still looks like he don't know what I'm talking about and he walks a little bit into the room. He almost trips on a book on the floor. "Artie, what -?"

"That stupid piano!" I scream. Hayden gets real stiff and I know he gets it. "I thought I could do it, but I can't. You use your feet, I saw you doin' it. And you lied to me."

"Look, Artie, I didn't think it would matter," Hayden says and he's talking real fast. "I – You don't have to use your feet 'til you're playing really hard music. You can still play the other stuff. I'm sorry, I didn't – I didn't think about it. You just seemed like you liked it, I didn't think it mattered."

"Go away!" I yell again. Hayden kinda looks like I punched him in the face. I wish I could 'cause maybe it would make me feel better, but I can't reach if I tried. "I hate you! I hate you and your stupid piano and this stupid place. I hate all of it. I wish I had just died when that stupid car smushed me so I don't gotta be here and be like this!"

Hayden looks real scared now and he frowns and comes closer to me. "Don't say that," he says, and he says it real hard like he's my dad telling me to be good. "Don't say stuff like that."

"I do," I shout and my eyes are burning again but I don't even care no more. "I wish I was dead. I don't wanna be like this. I don't wanna be a freak. I can't even do nothing. I just wish I died."

"Artie, stop it," Hayden says. His cane hits my chair and he kneels down and reaches out until his hand finds me. He grabs my arm even though I try to get away. "Don't talk like that. It sucks, being like this, but it's better than being dead."

"Shut  _up_!" I scream loud and I shove him real hard even though it makes that spot in my back hurt more. Hayden falls over backward and hits the ground and he makes an umph noise. For a second I just stare at him and he just sits there, and then he gets really frowny.

"Fine," he says and he sounds way mad. He stands up and crosses his arms, and he's staring right over the top my head. "Fine. I was trying to help but if you're gonna be a jerk then I don't care."

"Fine!" I shout back, crossing my arms too. I'm breathing real hard like I just ran a far way, and it's making me hurt even more but I'm too mad to care.

"Fine," Hayden says again. And then he turns around and walks away.

I'm really mad at him for being so stupid, so I just scream. I turn to try to find something else on my desk so I can throw it at him, but then everything goes kinda white and red. I don't really know if I'm screaming or not, 'cause I feel like I should be but it hurts so much I dunno if I can. All I know is that it feels like somebody just stuck a huge ninja sword through my back.

And then it's all just black.


	10. Recovery

"I didn't die."

Tina sits up abruptly, her brow furrowing as she stares at me in confusion. I smile a bit and repeat, "I didn't die. I just thought I'd let you know, since you seemed worried."

She lets out a little laugh and smacks me lightly in the chest. "I know that," she protests. "I just – what happened?"

"My back was still in pretty bad shape then," I explain. "I had an inflamed nerve in my spine just above the break that was putting a long of pressure on the vertebrae. When I twisted the wrong way it got pinched and that's what took me out. It happens sometimes. Not as much now as it used to, but every once and a while if I'm not careful I hurt myself."

Tina still looks concerned but she nods and settles herself down beside me again. "So what happened between you and Hayden? You guys made up?"

"Eventually," I agree. "It was rough going though."

* * *

 

Everything feels kinda fuzzy. When I open my eyes, it all looks fuzzy too. My brain doesn't want to think lots, but I know I've been like this before. This is what it felt like at the hospital. But why do I feel like that again?

"Hey kiddo, you coming back to us?"

I know that voice too.

"Artie, honey, wake up."

And I know that one too.

"Mom?" I mumble, 'cause my tongue feels like it don't wanna move.

"Hi sweetie," Mom says and then I can feel a hand brushing through my hair real soft-like. It feels real good. "How are you feeling?"

I blink a couple times and things get kinda less fuzzy. I can see a whole lot of white and my mom's face just above me and behind her is Gary's big black face. Lots of white means either I'm at the hospital again or in heaven. Probably the hospital 'cause heaven shouldn't hurt like this. "Sore," I say 'cause when I try to move my body it feels heavy and achy. "And tired. Wha' happened?"

"You hurt your back, baby," Mom says, still combing my hair.

"Gave us all a good scare too, kiddo," Gary says and his laugh sounds kinda not real. "You had to have been feeling that pain for a while, why didn't you say anything?"

"I was just sore," I say. I'm sorta more awake now, and I can remember the pain in my back when it felt like someone stabbed me. "I'm sore all over. Am I okay? Did my back break worser?" I get sorta scared thinking about it, 'cause my whole body feels so heavy and what if I can't move even more?

"No, you're okay," Mom says. When I look closer at her, her eyes look kinda red and sad. "You're okay, sweetie. They fixed the inflammation and it shouldn't hurt you anymore. You just need to be more careful. If your back starts hurting again, you need to say something so this doesn't happen again." She leans down and kisses my forehead, and her eyes look like she's gonna cry when she sits up. "Please, baby boy, don't scare me like that again."

I don't get a lot of what she says, but I nod 'cause she looks so sad and I don't like seeing her sad. She was sad last time I saw her too and that makes my eyes itch. "I'm sorry," I say quiet like. "I'm sorry. I didn't wanna yell, really. I'm sorry."

"Shh, it's okay," Mom says, brushing at my hair again. "It's okay, sweetie, I know. I love you. Just focus on getting better, okay?"

"I'll let you get some rest," Gary says. "It's good to have you back with us, kiddo. I've gotta get back to the Centre, but I'll be back, okay? And I'll let Hayden know you're better."

"Hayden?" I ask 'cause I'm confused. I can remember fighting with him, and he was way mad at me. Like way, way mad.

Gary smiles a little. "Yeah, Maggie said he's been freaking out since we left," he says. "Poor kid was so scared for you. He was the one who got help for you and he would've come with you here if they'd let him. Maybe he'll calm down knowing you're okay." He comes over and squeezes my shoulder with one of his big hands. "Get some rest, kiddo, we've still got those guns to build up."

He leaves and I lean back into the pillow 'cause it's real soft and it feels nice. One of my hands itches and I want to scratch it, but then I see it's got one of those needle tubes stuck in the back and I remember I'm not supposed to touch those. Mom is holding my other hand and she's still combing my hair and it feels so nice that I just wanna close my eyes and forget about all this bad stuff.

"Go back to sleep, Artie," Mom says real soft. "I'll be here when you wake up."

I just kinda make a weird hummy noise and then I fall asleep again.

When I wake up again, my head feels lots less fuzzy. I can look around and things look normal again. I'm in a hospital room a lot like the first one I was in, 'cept there are paper snowflakes taped to the big window now. It's kinda dark outside. And Mom is still holding my hand, but she's asleep with her head on the edge of the bed.

I kinda think maybe I'll just go back to sleep, but my brain is wide awake now. So I think about what happened. I didn't understand what Mom said happened. Something about a flame that hurt my back. That don't make any sense, 'cause I don't remember anything about fire. My back is still kinda stiffish, but that poking stabby pain is gone so I think that must be good. All I know is I want it to stay gone, 'cause it hurt lots.

A person in doctor clothes sticks her head in and she smiles when I look at her. She looks kinda familiar but I don't remember her name if I know her. "Hi Artie, glad to see you're awake," she says, talking kinda quiet so she don't wake Mom up, and she comes over to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Kinda better," I say. "It doesn't hurt no more like it did. That's good, right?"

"That's great," the doctor lady says and smiles more. "That's exactly what we want to here. Having any other problems?"

"My hand itches," I say and lift the hand with the needle tubes in it a little bit.

The doctor laughs with her hand over her mouth. "Sorry honey, not much we can really do there, you need to get all of that medication into you so the swelling stays down," she says. "Well we're gonna keep you here for a day or two to make sure that nothing else goes wrong with your back and then you can go back to the rehab centre. You'll have to be a little careful with your back for a while so you don't hurt yourself, but you should be okay to keep up your exercises for the most part. Gary can help you with that, he knows what to do."

"But I'm gonna be okay?" I ask careful like, 'cause I don't like the way she said more can go bad in my back.

"Yeah, buddy, you're gonna be just fine," she says. "And you're looking really good. I saw you before you went to the rehab centre, and I'm really impressed with how good you're doing. You're a tough guy, aren't you?"

"I got guns now," I say with a smile.

The doctor laughs and mutters something that sounds kinda like, "Oh gees Gary." Then she pats my arm and says, "Yes you do. Alright well I'm gonna let you get some rest. You let us know if you need anything, okay?" I nod and she pats my arm again and then leaves. I stare up at the roof and think about getting hurt and my mom and Hayden and Gary and lots of other things until I fall asleep again.

They make me stay at the hospital for two more days after that. It's kinda nice 'cause I get to just sleep a lot 'cause the medicine makes me way sleepy, and I get less sore 'cause I don't gotta do my exercises. Mom stays with me all the time and Dad and Jack and Lizzie come see me too, and none of them hate me which is really good. But then I wanna get out of the hospital 'cause I get bored being stuck in the bed all the time. I hate just sitting around. I really wanna go home, but really I'd even rather go to the Centre. At least there I could move 'round on my own.

On Wednesday Gary comes to take me back to the Centre, and he lets me push myself 'round by myself and it's good. Mom goes with me on the ride in the big van that's got a cool little elevator for my wheelchair. We spend the whole rest the day in my room at the Centre, and Mom even stays for dinner and we eat it on my bed. And then she leaves 'cause she's gotta go home, but she tells me when I want her to visit then I can just call her and she'll come.

After Mom and Gary leave, June comes and makes sure I take my medicines and get ready for bed. She leaves and I sit on my bed and read a book , one of my favourite spy books again. I only read a couple pages, just to the part where he breaks into the bad guy lair, and then I see someone standing just outside the door to my room. And all the bad feelings from before the hospital, all the mad and the sad, they all come back and make me feel sick again when I see him.

"Hayden."


	11. Finding the Middle Ground

Hayden is twisting his cane in his hands and he keeps staring at the middle of the floor. I can't really figure out his face, 'cause he looks sad and mad and scared and happy all together, and that just doesn't make any sense.

"Hey Artie," he says. "How, uh, how are you doing?"

"I'm okay," I say, slow-like 'cause I'm still kinda confused at what's going. 'Cause I'm mad at him, and he's mad at me, but he's still here.

"Cool," he says and he's moving all nervous-like. "Cool. Well that's good."

"Uh, yeah."

"Cool," he says again. "Um, well I'm glad you're better. I'm gonna go." He just walks away. And then walks back. "And I'm sorry. For fighting, and the piano thing and 'cause you got hurt. That – that wasn't 'cause of me, was it?"

"No," I say. Why would it be his fault? "The doctor said it was from my surgery and it just got real bad."

Hayden's shoulders go down and he nods. "Oh, good. Well, uh, night." And then he walks away again, and this time he doesn't come back. I just kinda stare at the doorway for a little bit, feeling real confused, and then I just give up. 'Cause I'm still tired from all the medicines I have to take, and right now I think maybe I just want to sleep. So I put my book away and turn off the light and go to bed.

Gary wakes me up again in the morning for breakfast and I grumble lots 'cause I'm still kinda sleepy and I was having a really cool dream about flying dinosaurs before he made me wake up, but now I can't remember all of it. The day feels kind of normal again, 'cause after breakfast we go to the gym and we do stretches and exercises just like on a normal day. 'Cept I don't have to stretch as hard 'cause Gary says we gotta work me into the exercises again from being hurt.

Then after lunch we gotta go to group therapy. I don't wanna go 'cause I never do, but Gary won't let me skip it and he follows me all the way to the big empty room where the little circle of chairs is all set up. I push my chair into an open spot where there ain't no chairs, and Gary sits down in a chair back against the wall and pulls out a book. "Hi there, Artie, how are you doing today?" Dr. Mary says in that voice people use to talk to little babies that makes me feel crazy and angry.

"Good," I say just so she will stop staring at me with those creepy huge grey eyes. They're like ghost eyes or something, 'cause they're way scary looking, and when she smiles they kind of make her look like a crazy person from a Halloween movie.

"That's wonderful to hear," she says and she does that way big smile that looks like that bad guy clown from the Batman cartoon I watch at home. "It's so good to have you back with us again. We missed you on Tuesday." And I just kinda nod 'cause I really don't think that the other peoples cared that I was gone, 'cause it's just group and people don't show up lots of times.

Just before we start the group, Hayden comes in with his nurse Maggie, and today he finds a chair to sit in by himself instead of her taking him to one. He's 'cross the circle from me and I kinda watch him. It's still confusing that he comed by my room last night. I shoved him and he was way mad at me and I didn't think we're gonna be friends no more 'cause he lied to me and I pushed him. But then Gary says Hayden was way scared when I was hurt and then he was sorry last night. It don't make sense.

Still, it don't mean I wanna say sorry to him and be friends. 'Cause he still lied about the piano and I'm still mad about that. I'm still a freak.

I don't say nothing during group again, but I never do so that's normal. Hayden don't neither, just stares at the floor and rolls his cane in his hands. Dr. Mary talks a lot about goals and how they're super important, and some of the other people talk about goals they make to get better. I don't listen much. I wanna make a goal so I can walk, but that won't work. I guess my goal just gots to be getting better enough to go home.

When Dr. Mary says we can all go, I sit and wait for the lots of people to move out of my way. It makes me way surprised when I hear someone say my name, and when I look up it's Hayden, and he's walking across the room to me with Maggie leading him. "Artie, can I talk to you for a sec?" he asks and I can tell he's super nervous 'cause he's playing piano on his leg really fast.

"Yeah, I guess so," I say, 'cause I'm still mad at him but he's being weird and things are confusing and now I'm kinda curious.

"Okay cool," he says and he kinda smiles a little bit. "Well I'm sorry about the thing with the piano, and I kinda wanted to make it better, 'cause I guess I shoulda told you but I didn't think about it and now I feel bad. So I got a bit of a surprise for you. Come with me?"

"Uh, sure," I say, real curious now. He got me a surprise? Like a present?

Hayden lets go of Maggie's arm and he grabs the handles on the back of my chair. "Okay, lead us to my room then, would you?" he says and I start pushing us out behind the last of the other people leaving. Gary and Maggie walk behind us a little ways back and I go down to the hallway I know Hayden's room is in, 'cept I don't know which room is his. "Oh, room twenty-six," he says when I slow down to ask. "It's the third door on the right side. I forgot you hadn't been to my room yet."

I push my chair down to the door he said and then he walks around me to go in the room first. I follow him and look around curious like. It's the same funky green colour like mine, but it doesn't have all the metal bars and stuff in the walls so it looks like a normal room 'stead of a spaceship. There's a book on the desk that's open, but it doesn't have no words on the pages, just the little bumpy dots that blind people read. When I stare at them, I'm real glad I'm not blind 'cause I can't figure out how those little bumps are supposed to be words. Normal words are confusing enough already.

"Alright," Hayden says and he turns around so he's kinda facing me 'cept he's looking way off to my right side. "So I feel really bad about what happened 'cause I could tell you really liked being able to learn music. And I like being able to share that with you, 'cause music is like the only thing that's keeping me from going totally crazy in this place. So I was thinking about it for the last couple days and I think I figured something out that will work. I had my mom bring it up for me this morning, if you wanna give it a try." He turns and goes to the dresser and then he pulls out a big clunky black case that's leaning against the wall behind it. It's a funky shaped thing, really big on one end and then kinda tinier on the other, but I don't make a guess at what it is before he lays it down on the bed and starts opening it.

And then he pulls out the most awesomest thing ever.

It's a guitar. Not one of the weird shaped coloured ones you gotta plug into a box, but one of those shiny wood ones that looks like an old cowboy guitar. 'Cept this one's all a really shiny black with cool little white patterns around the hole in the middle of it. And the long skinny part where the strings go across is painted black and white so it looks like piano keys.

"I'm not quite as good at playing this as I am the piano," Hayden says kinda fast, "but it's an instrument you can play and you don't have to use your feet at all, so I thought that maybe if you still wanted to learn music then I could teach you on this. I figure you're not way too much smaller than me so you should be able to hold this alright. You know, if you wanna."

"You wanna teach me to play a guitar?" I ask, still staring at the guitar with my eyes all huge. I've only ever seen real cool people playing guitars. Cool people like rockstars. And I can do it without my feet, so even in a stupid wheelchair, I can maybe be cool like a rockstar too. "Awesome!"

Hayden smiles real big and I smile too, 'cause this is super cool. He puts the big clunky guitar case in the corner of the room and then I roll over to be by the bed. It's a lot higher up than my bed and I get a kinda sick feeling in my stomach. 'Cause there's no way I'm gonna be able to get up on that bed by myself. But I don't gotta, 'cause Hayden finds the chair from by his desk and pulls it over and he sits down by me.

"Okay, let's figure how we're gonna do this," Hayden says and he kinda sounds like he's talking to himself. He puts the guitar in his lap and says, "See how I'm holding it? How I got this part propped up on my leg like this? Think maybe we can do that with the arm of your chair?" He holds the guitar to me and I take it careful like, 'cause I don't wanna break it. I bump it on the arm of my chair when I try to turn it around and it makes a loud hummy sound, but when I say sorry Hayden just shakes his head. "As long as you don't put a hole in it we'll be fine," he says and laughs.

It takes a lot of moving it around and Hayden has to help me make it lay the right way, but then we finally make it look kinda like it did in his lap. The curvy-in part is propped up on the arm of my chair and I got one hand on the long part – neck, he says it's called – and my other arm hangs over the top of the big part so I can touch the strings. "It worked," I say with a big smile.

"Cool," Hayden says and he's smiling lots too. "So, wanna get started?" I say yes and he starts teaching me all the parts of the guitar and how I'm s'ppose to push my fingers on the strings and how to strum them so they make sounds. It's a little weird when he teaches me the notes 'cause he can't see to make sure I do it right, so he grabs my hand and puts my fingers in the right places, and then tells me what the note is that I'm making. It's all a little confusing, 'cause I only know a little bit about notes and the letters from when he teached me songs on the piano, but I try to learn them all and by the time Gary and Maggie come say it's time for dinner, I can remember all the notes on two whole strings and play them right most the time when he tells me to.

And when I put the guitar in the case like Hayden says to and I close it up, I smile real big and I feel really really good. 'Cause for the first time since the accident I know something for absolute certain.

Wheelchair or not, I'm gonna be a rockstar someday.

* * *

"So that's how you started playing?" Tina asks. Sometime during the last few minutes she sat up so she could face me, watching me with rapt attention. With her wide eyed focus, I honestly think she kind of reminds me of my little sister but I figure it's probably safer to keep that idea to myself.

"He knew how much music was helping him get better and he wanted to be able to keep sharing that with me, so he found something we could both manage," I explain with a small smile. "Sort of a middle ground. It was a challenge for both of us. He'd been studying music since he was five so he understood notes forwards and backwards, but I'd never even seen sheet music before. And he got frustrated with himself because he had a hard time playing the guitar without being able to see. Piano was second nature to him, but guitar was newer for him and he didn't have it down quite as well."

"Sounds tense," Tina says and raises an eyebrow curiously.

"Oh it definitely had its moments," I agree. "I think he got frustrated just as much as I did, and it led to a lot of fights. Never anything really serious like before, but we snapped at each other a lot and there'd be a night where we would be so mad at each other we wouldn't talk. And then the next morning we just got over it and went right back to work. I think it helped that we both understood what the other was going through, adjusting to our disabilities and all. And being the only young people living in this place full of adults."

Tina smiles and leans against the headboard beside me again. "It was good that you were there for each other then," she says. "What would it have been like if you hadn't met? That was some lucky timing that put you both there together."

I let out a derisive snort. "Oh trust me, luck had nothing to do with it."


	12. Perpendicular Parallels

"No, no, no, that didn't sound right." I make a loud groan noise when Hayden shakes his head and holds up a hand to make me stop. "That note wasn't right," he says and his forehead does that scrunchy thing he does when he's thinking sometimes. "I think it was the middle note. Is your second finger on the third fret?"

"Third one?" I ask confused and look at my fingers. "No I thought it was the second one."

Hayden laughs a little and shakes his head again. "No, third," he says. "Try it again."

I play the chords again, making sure I put my finger on the third fret 'stead of the second, and when I finish it Hayden nods. "There you go," he says and smiles. "That was right, it sounded much better. Congrats, Artie, you just learned your first song on the guitar."

"It was just a little baby song," I say and shrug but I'm smiling anyway 'cause it's cool that I got it way right.

"Yeah maybe, but it ain't even been two weeks and you can do that. That's pretty awesome," Hayden says. "You're learning this stuff really fast."

"Can we learn another one?" I ask. "Maybe a Christmas one? Then I can play it for my mama when she comes to visit next time."

Hayden smiles. "Alright, yeah, let's try one of the Christmas carols," he agrees. "How about, hmm, Jingle Bells? That'd be a good place to start." When I agree, he scoots closer to me and starts putting my fingers in the right places for all of the notes, then makes me play them on my own afterwards until I rememberise them.

When we get done with the first verse part, I look up at the door and my forehead gets scrunchy. "They're watching us again," I say and Hayden laughs quiet-like.

"They always are," he answers with a shrug. "I can feel them staring sometimes. It makes my neck feel all prickly." I wrinkle my nose and when I look at the door again I see Gary and Maggie walk away again. They come by and peek in on us all the time and lots of times they just stand there for a while and watch and smile, but they never come in, just stand around the edge of the door like they think we can't see them. Well Hayden can't course, but you know what I mean.

"Why do they do that, ya think?" I ask curious.

Hayden makes that funky little smile that's kinda not happy all the way, the one he gets when he's thinking about bad things like being blind and fighting with his family but trying not to. "They're glad we're being friends 'stead of killing each other probably," he says with another little shrug, but the fingers that are tapping on his lap are going faster.

I'm just confused, 'cause why would I kill anyone? And Hayden gets kinda scary when he's mad, but I don't think he's gonna kill no one either. "Why'd we do that?" I ask. "We fight I guess, but I ain't gonna kill you. You're my friend."

"Yeah well I don't think anyone thought you and me could be friends after what happened," he says and his smile looks even more less happy.

I frown, thinking hard about it. What happened? "You mean when I got hurt and had to go to the hospital after we yelled?" I ask 'cause that's all I can think of. Well and that time he called me a freak and a midget, but I don't care about that no more. 'Cause everyone is mad at first when they come here, and I said lots of mean things too so it don't make sense to be mad at people 'cause it.

"What? No, not that," Hayden says and now he looks confused too when he twists in his chair to be looking my direction 'stead of at the dresser. "I meant – you – don't you –" He says a couple more little words that make no sense, and then his eyes get big. "Don't you  _know_?" he asks in a voice that's kinda like a surprise whisper.

"Know what?" I ask 'cause I got no clue what we're talking about no more.

Hayden lets out a laugh that sounds like he don't have no air in him and he rubs at his eyes with his hands. I know he's not supposed to do that, 'cause I've heard Maggie tell him not to, but he still does it lots when she's not around. Usually when he's getting mad with himself about trying to teach me guitar. I kinda wonder what I did wrong now.

"You really don't know, do you?" Hayden asks and I can tell he's real surprised. He makes a loud sigh and shakes his head. "No one told you?"

"Told me  _what_?" I ask kinda mad-like because it's annoying how he keeps doing that and I want him to just shut up and tell me already so I don't gotta keep asking and feeling dumb.

"They all s'pected us to blame each other," he says and he sounds really tired when he says it, staring at my shoulder with a tiny frown. "For what happened." I don't say nothing, still trying to figure what he means, and then he goes on. "It's like this, Artie: You're the reason I'm blind, and me, I'm the reason you're in a wheelchair."

* * *

 

" _What_!"

I bite back a small laugh. "You know I would be able to finish this story a lot faster if you quit interrupting me," I point out dryly.

Tina scowls and smacks my chest lightly. "Well you can't just drop a bombshell in the story like that and then expect me not to react," she says indignantly. "What does he mean?"

"Is that your way of giving me permission to continue?" I ask idly. She smacks me again.

"That's my way of saying explain yourself or I'm gonna go crazy gothic Asian vampire on your ass," she answers. I open my mouth, an instinctive red-blooded teenager response to that on the tip of my tongue, before I quickly change my mind and swallow it back. I'm pretty sure that in her current emotionally unhinged (read: crazy chick) state, innuendos would only serve to get me beat up and possibly have my wandering hand allowance revoked for a few days. That's enough to shut me up for sure.

"Okay, okay," I relent, holding up my hands in mock surrender and then patting the spot beside me for her to rejoin me. "See the thing about the accident is that no one had told me exactly what happened. I was only eight after all. Hearing the words 'car wreck' were enough to get the point of what happened across, and I was always more concerned with the consequences of the accident than the actual thing anyway." She's staring at me with an almost scary level of attentiveness, so I figure it's best to stop beating around the bush and just get on with it…

* * *

 

"What?" I ask. 'Cause that don't make sense. It's not Hayden's fault I'm in a wheelchair 'cause that happened in the car. And how could I make him blind? That's just mean of him to say. None this makes sense and I kinda wish he never said nothin' about this at all.

"You got paralysed in a car accident," Hayden says and I nod 'cause that's true. "Well I went blind in a car accident."

"Why's that my fault?" I ask all mad-like 'cause I don't like getting blamed for stuff. 'Specially when it's stuff I got no idea about.

"No, I didn't mean it like that," Hayden says all quick. "No, okay, let me start over. I – hmm – what do you remember about the accident?"

"Not lots," I say and that's true. "Mom and I was on our way to go to the big store in the other city, and then there was a car that just showed up in front of us. Mom screamed, I 'member that, and then there was just lots of crunching and bad noises and it hurt and then it didn't hurt no more and then that's all I 'member. There weren't no more 'til I was awake at the hospital and my legs didn't work no more."

Hayden grimaces and nods. "Yeah I don't remember a whole lot either," he says. "Artie, we were in the same car accident. That's – that's why everyone thought we'd hate each other 'cause of it."

"You were the car that popped up," I figure out and my eyes get really big. Then I get angry, 'cause his stupid car was what made us crash and that's why I can't never walk again, and if he hadn't been there then I'd be just fine and I'd be home with my family and practising with Jack to play baseball and chasing Lizzie in the yard and it would all be good. But it's not and it's his fault.

"No, no, no," Hayden says fast again and this time he shakes his head too. "No I was in the car behind you." I crinkle up my nose. There was a car behind us? I guess that makes sense 'cause there's always lots of cars on the big road, but I don't 'member if there was one that day. "Mom and Nikki and me, we were on our way home from visiting Uncle Mark and Aunt Julie. They live in Lima like you. I only remember little bits but Mom told me all what happened. That car swerved out in front of you and then your car hit them. I remember watching that part, and then our car hit your car real hard, and I don't remember the rest. I hit my head on the doorframe 'cause I wasn't wearing my seat belt right. That's why I went blind, I hit it so hard it messed up the part of my brain that makes me see. And these," he stops and touches the scars on the side of his face and his neck, "I got them when the window blew up. They said the one on my neck," he touches a really thick one that goes across his throat, "almost killed me."

I don't say nothing 'cause I'm thinking about the accident. It's the first time I've really thinked about it since it happened, except in the bad dreams that make me cry in my sleep, and it makes my stomach feel sick 'cause I can see it all in my head and 'member what it feeled like.

Mom and me was gonna go shopping for presents for Dad's birthday. It was the first day that it was just me and Mom for a long time, 'cause she's always busy lots with taking care of Lizzie, so I was all excited. She even said we was gonna stop for ice cream on the way home. I was talking lots about all the cool stuff I learned at baseball like how Coach Matt teached me how to throw a curveball and he said I was a super awesome pitcher and I could be a pro when I got big.

Then Mom screamed and her arm was across my chest and the car made a screechy noise as she tried to stop it. I looked up at the window and there was another car, a big red one, 'cross the road in front of us, and then we hit it and it made a horrible noise. I felt sick 'cause the car was moving all over the place like a rollercoaster and I hate rollercoasters. Then we sorta stopped for just a second, and Mom screamed again and I did too 'cause it looked like the car was closing up and gonna swallow me up. There was lots of glass and it cut me up, and I got twisted around trying to get away from the door that was crunching up around me. And then there was a lot of pain and I couldn't move no more and then it was just black.

And as I look up at Hayden now, his story makes lots of sense. 'Cause I remember how the car had sorta stopped and then it was moving again and the door crushed me. That was 'cause his car hit us and it made the car get squashed up more. That's the part that made my back get broken. And that's the part that made his eyes get broken too.

"The car wreck, that's why we both got broken and got put here," I say real slow, 'cause it feels like my brain is eating the story really slow and I ain't quite got it yet even though I know it.

"Like I said, everyone here's been screwed over one way or another," he says with that smile that looks more sick than happy. Like smiling makes him hurt or something. "One guy drives his car wrong and both us got messed up forever."

"The guy – did he –?" Even though I wanna know, I can't finish the sentence and actually ask it, 'cause it feels mean. It makes me feel like a bad person, but I want to know if the guy that broke me got hurt too. I mean, he'd deserve it, right? But it still makes my stomach feel sick and twisty and I think that Mom would be mad at me for thinking bad things like that. I'm not supposed to want other people to get hurt, that's a sin like lying or stealing stuff, and God punishes people for that.

But God put me in a chair and punished for nothin' and I think maybe he should just get over it and forgive me for wanting the guy that broke me to be hurt.

Hayden is frowning really hard now and it's really scary and ugly looking. "He's fine," he says and he sounds like it makes him really mad. I feel kinda better 'cause I know he was thinking like me that it's okay to want the other guy hurt. "He was out of the hospital like the same day it happened."

I feel really angry and hot, like there's fire under my skin that makes me feel all itchy all over. The guy didn't even get hurt. That's not fair. God let the guy that made one kid blind and made another one be in a wheelchair just walk away and that's not right. So I'm mad, at the guy and at God, 'cause none of it is right and I feel so mad I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

I look at Hayden, and he looks like the way I feel, 'cept his eyes are closed and he's breathing real slow. And when he opens his eyes again after a little while, his eyes just look sad. Then I remember what he said, that people thought we would hate each other 'cause we both got in the same accident. "That don't make sense, that they think we'd be mad at each other," I say and I'm real sure of it. "It weren't your fault, and it wasn't mine, so it's stupid to be mad at each other, right?"

"I was mad at you for a while," Hayden says and my eyes go huge. "At first, when it happened, I was really mad. That's why I was so mean when we met your first day, 'cause I knew you were coming that day and when I heard you in the hallway I figured out it was you, and I was just so mad about everything. I felt bad after, 'cause no one told me you was gonna be in a wheelchair forever. I thought you just got a busted leg or something, and I thought it wasn't fair that you just got a broken leg and the other guy was fine, and then I was blind 'cause other people got in an accident.

"Even after I knew you were paralysed, I was still kinda mad," he says and my chest feels really hurty like someone punched me. "You acted all fine, like none of this bothered you. It didn't seem fair for you to be so happy in a place like this, 'cause my whole world was like blown up. I can't do the things I want to any more. Did I tell you that I act? Like in plays and stuff? But I can't do that no more, 'cause I'll walk off the stage or something. And I was real pissed 'cause you acted like you didn't care."

"I cared," I say and I feel real frowny. "Course I cared. I can't walk no more! Why would I not care? I play lots of sports, like soccer and swimming and I was gonna be a pro baseball player when I growed up. But I can't even walk no more, so I can't run to chase the balls or run around the bases, and I hate it. And –" I kinda stop for a second, 'cause I never told nobody this before, but I figure I can tell Hayden and he won't laugh at me. "And I kinda want to be a dancer, 'cause I saw these guys doing it in video for a band, and it just looked so cool, but I never told my mom so I never got to try it 'cept when I danced in my room, and now I don't getta do that no more either. It's stupid and not fair and I feel like there ain't nothing I can do anymore. Or, well –" I stop and I look down at the guitar that I still got on my lap. 'Cause that wasn't true. There's still something I can do. Something I'm really good at and now I kinda wanna do that too.

Hayden is like a mind reader, 'cause he says, "Or there wasn't anything 'til music, right?"

"I like having something I can do even though I'm broken up," I admit kinda quiet and I trace my fingers over the white patterns around the hole in the middle of the guitar. "Like maybe when all the doctors say that I can still have a good life, like maybe they're right. It makes me feel good again, like I'm not a freak."

Hayden smiles. "Yeah, that's how it makes me feel too," he says. "Like music is something that anyone can be a part of. Like, did you know Beethoven was deaf? He couldn't even hear the music and he could still write it. Isn't that cool?"

"Whoa," I agree 'cause that's pretty amazing. That's like me being a dancer even though I can't feel my feet, or like Hayden painting pictures that he can't see. Like everything is still possible, no matter what happens to you. "You know what we should do?" I ask 'cause an idea just comed to me and it's awesome and I gotta tell him. "We should make like a band. Like you can play the piano and I can play the guitar and we can be a really cool band that's even more amazing than all the other bands out there, and be better than the people that can walk and see."

Hayden laughs, but he's nodding. "That would be so cool," he says. "We gotta work on this music then, so that we can get really good and make our band. Okay, start the song from the beginning." I nod quick and hurry to move the guitar back so it's sitting right, and then I put my fingers on the right chords. And when I play them and Hayden nods and says that was right, all the bad things in my chest go away and I just feel good again.

I feel  _normal_. Like I'm not the kid in the wheelchair or the kid that lives in rehab with old people or the kid that's never gonna walk again. I'm just Artie, the kid who's got a best friend who gets what I'm going through, and the kid that is good at playing guitar and making music, and the kid that's gonna grow up and be a rockstar in a band with his best friend someday because we want to and no one is gonna stop us no matter what they say.

I'm not a freak anymore; I'm just me.


	13. Happy Holidays

"Did you ever start your band?" Tina asks with a playful smile.

I chuckle quietly. "Well sort of," I say and shrug. "That next day we moved our nightly practise sessions down to the lounge and Hayden would play along on the piano while I played the songs on the guitar. It made it easier for both of us to tell if I'd played the notes right when there was something to compare them against. We started drawing audiences until people would come by every night to listen and sing along with us."

"Oh so you were like a cute little kid Christmas choir," Tina says and I feel my cheeks get warm at the adoring smile on her face. "How sweet."

"Don't tease me, it was a big thing for us," I say but I can't help smiling anyway even though I can tell she's mocking me.

"Is that when you started singing?" she asks curiously and I nod, my ears still feeling uncomfortably hot.

"I didn't even know I had a good voice, really," I say. "Although at eight, I didn't actually have that good a voice. I sang almost as high as Kurt back then, and nowhere near as clear. But Hayden would sing along while he played, and it helped him, so I eventually picked up on the habit and it all spiralled out from there."

* * *

 

I can hear the piano playing from all the way down the hall, and I push myself faster. I was s'pose to be there like five minutes ago but Gary made me stay and put my shoes on right when I tried to leave in my socks, and it took me forever to get my stupid shoes on. S'not like I even need shoes no more, but he says I gotta wear 'em anyway.

When I get to the lounge Hayden don't act like he heard me, which he pro'lly didn't. He don't hear much when he's making music. He says he gets lost in the music. I wanna get good enough to do that. He's playing the piano, one of those old songs that I think my parents listen to 'cause it was cool way back forever ago when they were kids, and this time he's singing along.

" _And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be. I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. Let it be, let it be_ …"

Hayden plays the last little bit again and then his hands slip off the keys and lands in his lap. He takes a deep breath and lets it out loud, and then I think he hears me move 'cause he turns his head to me. "Artie, you finally get here?" he asks with a smile.

"Sorry, Gary made me wear shoes," I say and that makes him laugh.

"Damn those shoes," he says and I blink in surprise again. I know that Hayden swears sometimes, he mutters them at himself when he messes up or forgets stuff so I've heared him do it lots, but it still kinda makes me surprised when he does it. His mom don't care when he does it, and he told me 'fore that his family doesn't go to churches, but I know if I said that word my dad would probably make me grounded for a whole week. Dad don't like swear words.

"I know that song you was playing," I say and Hayden tilts his head sideways like he does when he's thinking questions. "My mom plays it lots, she likes it. What's it called?"

"It's a Beatles song," he answers.

"Beetles like the bugs?" I ask, wrinkling my nose. Why would someone call their band after a bug? If they do that, they should at least call it after a cool bug like a tarantula or a walking stick or something. But not a beetle, 'cause beetles like poop and that's gross.

"Close but no," Hayden says and laughs, shaking his head. "I can't believe you don't know the Beatles. They are like one of the most iconic bands of all time. That song, it's called 'Let It Be.' It's one of my favourites. Mom used to sing it to me and Nikki whenever we were sad."

"I like it, it sounds pretty," I say. "My grandma sings a song for us when we stay the night with her, to make us go to sleep and have good dreams. But I don't know what it's called."

"Sing it," Hayden says.

I blink a lot, 'cause no one ever told me to sing before. "What?"

"Well if you don't know what it's called, then just sing it," he says. "I know lots of songs, maybe I know what it's called."

I don't know, 'cause I don't sing except at grandma's house when we make cookies. Jack used to tell me that when I sing I sound like a little girl, and I don't want Hayden to think I'm a little girl 'cause that wouldn't be cool. But he's just kinda staring at me almost and he's just waiting, so I swallow a couple times and then I start to sing all quiet-like.

" _Dream when you feel blue, dream is the thing to do, and watch the smoke rings go in the air, and you'll find your memories there…_ "

Hayden grins and turns back to the piano, and he starts playing the music for the song. And when I start to sing the next part, he sings it with me.

" _So dream when the day is through, dream and they might come true…_ "

"Yeah, that's it!" I say and it's crazy that he knows the song after that little bit.

"Frank Sinatra," Hayden says with a laugh. "He's my favourite, I know pretty much all his songs."

"You kinda sound like him when you sing," I say 'cause when he was singing the lines he sounded lots like the voice on that old machine Grandma has that plays those giant black CD things that she's got all her music on. I don't know why she don't just use normal CDs, they're way smaller, but old people do weird stuff like that.

"That's what my mom tells me too," he says. "You know you don't have too bad a voice, if you weren't so quiet. You'd probably sound really good on that Beatles song I was singing before. I'll have to teach it to you." My ears feel really hot but I don't gotta say anything 'cause then he says, "So how about we get started before everyone comes back from church? The guitar's there by the wall."

I roll over and get the guitar out of the case, and then come back by the piano and get ready. We practise all the songs we have done already, and I do really good until we get to the last one and that's when I get confused.

"What happened?" Hayden asks when I mess up the notes and stop with a big groan noise.

"Sorry, I forgot what part it was," I say and frown. I hate it when I do things wrong, it makes me feel stupid, 'specially 'cause it's such a easy song. I learned last year at school when the whole class sang Christmas songs for our parents.

"Have you ever tried singing along?" Hayden asks. "It helps me keep myself on track when I'm learning a song without sheet music. 'Cause if you know how to sing it, you know how your voice is supposed to go up and down, and then you just have to make your fingers follow along." I make a funny little noise 'cause I'm not sure about it, and he just shrugs. "Just an idea," he says and puts his hands back on the piano. "Wanna try it again?"

I say yeah and we start the song again, but this time while he's playing, he hums it too. I mess up a note, and we start over again, and then we gotta do it again 'cause I forget a part.

"Artie, we can try a different song if this one's too hard," Hayden says when I mess it up again and make a loud groan noise.

"No, I wanna learn this one," I say 'cause I'm not gonna change my mind. Hayden nods, 'cause he knows why I wanna learn it and he likes the idea. "Let's just try it again. One more time."

Hayden just nods his head and starts playing on the piano again, and I play along with the guitar. He's humming still, and after a little bit I start humming too. Just in case it does help, 'cause I  _gotta_ learn this song. I think Hayden maybe laughs a little, but I'm watching my fingers to make sure they go the right places so I don't look. But just a bit later he starts singing quiet under his breath and I do too without thinking about it much.

It really does help kinda and I get to the end of the song without messing it up this time, and when we finish Hayden laughs and says, "See, you got it!" He holds up his hand and I give him a high-five, and we're both laughing 'cause it's awesome. "Man, we are totally gonna rock this."

We practise every single day for the rest of the week until it's Saturday and Mom is going to come up and see me. I wake up way early even though I stayed up way late with Hayden to make sure we got all our music ready, and so when Gary comes in to wake me up for breakfast I'm already out of bed and dressed. After we eat breakfast then I have to go do my weights and exercises, and Gary keeps laughing at me 'cause I don't pay attention very good.

"Excited are ya, kiddo?" he asks after he claps his hands real loud to get my attention, 'cause I wasn't listening to him and 'stead was staring at the wall and pretending to play the guitar in my lap.

I nod real fast, 'cause I am way excited. "I just wanna show Mom that I can be really good at something," I say. "Like, I'm not as good as Hayden, but he's way older than me too so maybe when I'm twelve like him then I'll be that good."

"I'm sure you will be," Gary says and he ruffles up my hair again. I humph and brush it back the way it's s'pose to be, but I still smile 'cause Gary thinks I'm gonna be a good guitar player when I get big and that makes me happy.

We stop our exercises early so I can go and clean up, 'cause lifting the weights makes me sweaty and Gary says Mom pro'lly don't wanna smell me. Then I get dressed up in my goodest clothes and I even put on my shoes. Gary is making fun of me 'cause my hair sticks up in the back when it's wet when Mom comes in.

"Mom!" I yell all excited over the top of Gary's laughing. She smiles at me real big and gives me a huge hug like she's gonna squish me to death.

"Artie honey, I've missed you so much," she says and kisses me three times on my forehead. I miss her too, 'cause I haven't seen her since I comed home from the hospital. She stands back up and rubs the lipstick off my face, and then she smiles really big and says, "I brought a surprise for you, sweetie."

"You did?" I ask, looking 'round 'cause it don't look like she's got a surprise.

Then there's more people in the doorway; it's Dad and Jack and Lizzie. Dad and Jack say, "Surprise!" real loud, and Lizzie breaks out in giggles and says, "Awtie!" Dad puts her down on the floor and she runs to me and sticks out her arms to be picked up.

"You all comed?" I ask and I pick her up and put her in my lap. She don't seem as heavy as last time, and she hugs me with her little arms 'round my neck, still saying, "Awtie, awtie," over and over and over 'gain.

"We've all just missed you so much," Mom says. "Lizzie cried for two hours when I told her I was coming to see you and that she couldn't come. I know you said you didn't want us all visiting you until you were better, but it's almost Christmas and we all wanted to see you."

"It's okay," I say, and I really mean it. 'Cause I didn't want my family coming 'round lots before, but I just don't feel like that now. I feel better, less mad all the time, and I did miss them lots and lots. Dad and Jack both come and hug me and Dad ruffles up my hair so it's really messy, and that makes Mom come and fix it so it don't look crazy. And Lizzie just giggles lots and sits down in my lap and smiles up at me. Then I get excited and I say, "And I gots a surprise for you guys too. But I gotta make sure Hayden is ready first."

"I'll go check," Gary says and stands up. "You stay and visit with your family, I'll be back when everything's ready to go." He nods to my parents and then he goes out the door. My family sits down all over the room, my parents on the bed and Jack on top of my desk even though Mom makes a funny face at him for it. She doesn't like it when we sit on furniture like that, but she can't really get mad at him 'cause I don't got a chair. They tell me 'bout things at home, like how Jack did way bad on his history test and gotta take it over, and how Uncle Alan got real drunk at Thanksgiving and fell into Grandma's flowers and she got way mad.

A little bit later Gary comes back and he's grinning real big. "Hey Artie, everything's all set up whenever you're ready to go."

"Awesome," I say real excited and look at my family. "C'mon, I wanna show you."

"Wanna show us what?" Jack asks and his eyebrow goes way high like it always does when he's curious.

"I'll show you," I say and I push out of my room. It's a little harder with Lizzie in my lap still, but she is giggling and keep clapping so I don't make her move. I like making her happy since I was so mean to her on Thanksgiving. Mom and Dad and Jack and Gary all follow me and I go all the way down to the lounge. My eyes get kinda big 'cause there's a lot of other people in the room too, like a bunch of the other people that live here and lots of the nurses and even Dr. Mary.

Hayden is pacing back and forth by the wall by the piano, one of his hands on the wall so he don't run into stuff, and Maggie is standing just a bit away and watching him. She smiles and waves when I come in. "Hi Hayden," I say real loud. He stops walking and turns 'round so he's kinda looking my way.

"Hey Artie," he says and smiles. He holds out his hand and Maggie goes over and puts his hand on her arm, and walks him over to where we are. I know it's just 'cause he's nervous with lots of people in the room, 'cause normally he can walk all over the place by himself. He always lets other people lead him when there's lots of people though 'cause he don't like running into people. "We all set?"

"Yeah, my whole family is here," I say with a big smile.

Hayden makes a kinda confused face and then he grins bigger. "All of 'em, huh?" he says and nods. "That's cool. I'm glad you guys all came, this is gonna be really cool."

"What is?" Jack asks, looking around more. "What you got going on here, Shorty?"

"Guys, this is Hayden and he's my friend here," I say. "And he's been teaching me something cool, and we wanna show you guys." I hug Lizzie again then say, "'Kay Liz, you gotta go with Mom and Dad now, so you can see." She makes a funny pouty face that makes her nose wrinkle up, but she lets Dad pick her up out of my lap. I wave a little at my family and then I follow Hayden and Maggie back over to the piano.

"Lots of people came," I say while he's pulling out the bench.

"Yeah, guess our band is pretty popular," Hayden says and he smiles, and that makes me feel better. Or least less like I wanna throw up. "You ready to rock and roll?"

I take a really big breath and then say, "Yeah, let's do it." Maggie helps me get the guitar out of the case and put it in my lap, while Hayden turns around to talk to the people in the room.

"Hey everyone," he says and all the people that were talking stop talking and look over at him. "Wow, it got quiet fast; that was kinda cool." A couple people laugh and he grins big. I can totally tell that he is used to being in front of people, even if he keeps tapping his hands on his legs like he does when he's nervous, and he keeps his head kinda turned so the scars on his face are away from the people. "Anyway, Artie here and I have been working on some songs and we wanted to play them for you guys."

I turn around and pull up by the piano, and I can see my family watching me with the guitar in my lap. Jack's eyes are way big in his head and Mom's got her hands on her mouth. And Lizzie's just clapping from on my dad's shoulders, 'cause she likes doing that. Hayden pulls his hand through his hair and adds, "But go kinda easy on us, 'cause we've only been working on this stuff for like three weeks so we haven't had much time to practise."

There's more little laughs and a lot of people clap, and Hayden turns round and sits down at the piano. "Ready, Artie?" he asks.

"Ready," I agree and take another big breath. Hayden stretches his fingers and then counts to his spot on the piano and starts playing. We play Twinkle Little Star first, 'cause it's the first one I learned. The first time we play it together, and then after that we play it again in what Hayden says is called 'rounds' where he plays it and then after he plays the first part I play it, so it's kinda like I'm chasing him. And we end up singing it, 'cause just he was singing first but that was confusing me so I had to sing too so I could remember to play my stuff 'stead of his.

Then we play the other easy Christmas songs we learned, like Jingle Bells and Jolly St. Nick and The Twelve Days of Christmas, and we sing them all too. And all the people clap after every song and that makes me smile, and I get less nervous the more we play and I sing louder and play better. When we finish those songs, Hayden stands up again and says, "And this last song we're gonna play, this one Artie picked out special for tonight after we heard it in a movie we watched a while ago, so it's for his family. And I guess for all of us who are here and not home with our families too."

He sits down again and nods to me, and then he starts playing and I join in when I'm s'pose to. There's a little bit of people muttering when they figure out the song, but I keep my eyes on my fingers and just sing along with Hayden. " _I'm dreaming tonight, of a place I love, even more than I us'lly do. And although I know it's a long road back, I promise you…_ "

After just that one line, people start singing along with us too. Not everybody is a real good singer, but it still sounds real nice to hear all the people singing it. My eyes feel kinda itchy when we get to the end of the song, and it gets kinda hard to sing the last little bit, but I do. " _Christmas Eve will find me where the love light gleams. I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams._ "

We finish the song and there's a really loud clapping. I look over at Hayden and he's grinning even though he looks like he's kinda crying, but that's kinda how I feel too. I look out at my family, and my parents and Jack all look like they are crying too even while they're clapping and cheering, especially Mom 'cause her face is really wet but she's got a huge smile on.

And that look on her face, I know what that one means. That's her proud face. She's proud of me 'cause I am gonna get as better as I can and be a good person again, and I'm gonna grow up and do something really great and I'm not gonna let my wheelchair make me stop from doing it. She's proud of me and I think I'm proud of me too, and that kinda makes all of the bad things a lot better.

* * *

 

"That was pretty much what sealed the deal for me," I say with a small smile, reminiscing over that first performance. "I found out I loved the thrill of performing and I especially loved music. I had found something I really loved doing and I was good at it. So I just never stopped. My parents were so excited I'd found something to keep me happy that they went out and got me a guitar for that Christmas and I played it pretty much every day. Hayden kept giving me lessons until he went home after the new year, and then his mom drove him out every Sunday to do a lesson. We kept that up until I got to go home in the middle of February, and then our lessons turned into once a month."

"Wow," Tina says in awe. "That's amazing."

"Yeah," I agree. "Music is what kept me going through all of the adjusting I had to make. I ended up getting held back in school 'cause I'd missed so much in rehab, so all of my friends were a year older than me, so when I went back to school it was like being the new kid. It was hard to make friends and it was hard to adjust to doing everything in a wheelchair, and it was even difficult to get settled in at home with the move and learning to do everything a new way. But music, that ended up being my constant. I joined band at school and it helped me find a place to fit in, and I made friends with kids there and started joining other clubs that interested me. And of course it's what led me to Glee and getting close to you, so that's nothing to complain about."

Tina smiles and nudges my shoulder with hers playfully, but then she settles her head down against my shoulder. "Well I know it sounds really bad, but I'm really glad that you met Hayden there then," she says. "Remind me to send him a thank you card someday."

I chuckle. "You can tell him in person, Tee," I say and she lifts her head to look up at me curiously. In response, I pick up the envelope and point to the top line of the addressee.  _Artie Abrams and Guest._ "Ms. Cohen-Chang, how would you like to be my plus one?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter:
> 
> "Let It Be" by the Beatles
> 
> "Dream" by Frank Sinatra (yes the lyrics here are skewed a little, but I figured that was reasonable for an eight-year-old singing from memory lol)
> 
> "I'll Be Home For Christmas" by Bing Crosby


	14. The Wedding

I'm pretty sure I've never been this nervous in my entire life, which is pretty stupid considering it's just a wedding. And not even  _my_  wedding at that, because I figure I'll probably be nervous that day, but that's a long way off and I don't even want to think about that because that just makes me even more nervous. Dear God, I'm even rambling in my own thoughts now.

I take a deep breath to try and steady myself, and then glance over at the driver's seat of the car. Tina is steering with one hand, the other hand twisting a curl of violet hair around her fingertips while she hums to the music on the radio. She looks amazing. I think I nearly fell over when she showed up on my doorstep this morning to pick me up. I've seen her in dresses before, she wears them all the time, but I've never seen formal-wear Tina before. Her dress is sleek and fitted, black and blue and violet, with just a dash of her Asian vampire goth thing tossed in. She's always been beautiful to me, Corpse Bride look and all, but this is just – wow. And the fact that she matched her dress with a pair of black and purple Converse is just so perfect I can't stop smiling.

We've been on the road for about a half hour, and the closer we get to Columbus the more nervous I get. I've been air-strumming Beatles songs in my lap since we got onto the highway to keep myself focused. Thinking about it logically, today shouldn't really be that big a deal. So my best friend-slash-girlfriend and I are going to my other best friend's wedding together. Big deal, right?

Except it kind of is. Hayden and Tina, they've always felt like they come from two separate lives for me. Hayden is from the Before, from the time when my life was still shaky and fragile, and from the time when I needed someone to be my strength and to lift me back onto my feet – metaphorically speaking. But Tina, she's from the After part. She's from the time when I got myself together and I know who I am and who I want to be, and I've even been strong enough to help her and guide her back onto her feet. They've always felt like such separate times to me, and now, for the first time, I'm bringing those two parts of my life together.

So this wedding that isn't even mine suddenly feels like the most important day of my life.

"Hey Artie, you okay?" I blink and look around at Tina, and she's watching me curiously.

"Hmm, yeah, why?" I say.

"You're just not talking," Tina says. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, fine," I say. She's still looking at me and I know she doesn't believe me, so I add, "I just haven't seen him in a while. We've talked on the phone a few times, but I haven't actually seen him since last summer. You know, a lot of things can change in a year."

Tina gives me that sweet little smile and reaches over to take my hand. "He's your best friend. It'll be okay."

I nod and we lapse back into steady quiet, but this time I join in as Tina hums to the radio, and I'm surprised how much it relaxes me. I'm suddenly very grateful I told her the story about me and Hayden, and that she's here with me now. Somehow, as soon as I can muscle through the embarrassment around whatever life secret I've just divulged, it always helps to have Tina on my side.

We manage to find the greenhouse where the wedding is being held – thankfully Tina is a lot better with directions than I am because I had no idea where we were going. She gets my chair from the trunk of her car while I stare up at the building. I can't believe they actually rented an entire greenhouse for the wedding, and not just a little garden hothouse but a greenhouse the size of an auditorium. Personally, I'm just glad that they didn't go for an outdoor wedding. I hate rolling over grass.

Once I'm out and situated in my chair, Tina and I go into the greenhouse behind a few other people that are heading in from the parking lot. I see the adults in front of us cast curious looks over their shoulders at Tina and me, but I try to ignore them. We find a place to sit near the back of the lines of folding chairs near the aisle so I can see, on the side designated for the friends and family of the groom. In the very front row I can see Hayden's mom, an older woman with his same face, standing up and talking to someone else that I don't recognise.

Tina and I spend most of the time until the wedding starts just talking. I tell her about my plans for a three-day-long Halo marathon with my friends Greg and Jake from AV club, and how I'm going to a baseball game with my older brother in a few weeks. She tells me how if we're having another movie night this weekend then she gets to pick the movie –  _what's that supposed to mean?_  – and how much she's not looking forward to the camp where she'll be spending the rest of her summer. Just as we're going to get into making plans for all of the free days we have left before she leaves, the wedding music begins and everyone falls quiet.

The priest is standing at the end of the aisle now, and I see Hayden walk up next to him. He's not using his cane, but letting his best man steer him by the elbow out to the right place. When they've all settled into their places, the music picks up even more and the doors at the back of the greenhouse atrium open. A tall, energetic-looking young woman with sandy blonde hair walks out in a pale green dress. Even if I hadn't met her before, it would've been impossible not to guess who she was; Nikki's resemblance to her twin brother Hayden is so close it's almost disturbing.

Behind her comes the bride, on her father's arm. I've met her before on more than one occasion, but she looks so different it takes me a minute to really recognise her. The girl I met wore faded jeans and trainers and a braid; this girl looks like a princess in her white dress and jewellery, with her hair swept up into a fancy twist. The thing that makes me sure it's the same girl is that smile, the one she always wears when she's looking at Hayden. My mom would call it a happily ever after smile.

The actual wedding is pretty much just a typical boring wedding. It's kind of hard not to fall asleep, and the only reason I don't is because Tina is leaning her arm on my chair and she's tapping her foot at a supersonic speed and I can feel it making my chair move. Apparently I'm not the only one who gets bored at weddings.

It's a relief when the ceremony ends and everyone migrates into a larger, open greenhouse that's decorated for the reception. There's a cluster of little tables set up off to one side, with refreshments and a towering white and green wedding cake, and the rest of the room is cleared out to form a dance floor. At the moment everyone is filtering through a line to congratulate the newlyweds but Tina and I hang back at the edge of the room, since neither of us is fond of crowds. Besides, I figure we'll congratulate them whenever we get to talk to them later. Instead we entertain ourselves with a whispered, highly sarcastic colour commentary on the various other wedding guests until they announce the couples' first dance.

Hayden and Emma walk out into the middle of the open dance floor, but they don't face each other and the music hasn't started. Hayden clears his throat and then raises his voice. "Hey everyone," he says and grins. "Ems and I wanted to do something special for our song, but due to a lot of complications and wedding chaos distractions, we sort of put this off 'til the last minute. So I had to call in a favour yesterday, and thankfully I just so happen to have a really great friend that also happens to be a really great musician and he agreed to help us out. Artie, where'd you get to?"

Tina makes a noise of surprise and turns to look at me, and I just smile back before pushing myself forward through the crowd. I notice that Emma touches his hand lightly and whispers something, and Hayden then turns in my general direction. "There you are," he says. "It's all set up for you." I nod and say thanks, and then push myself over to the raised platform where there's a waiting band. They've set up a ramp along one side and I roll myself up and onto the stage, while Hayden says to the other guests, "For those of you who don't know, that's Artie Abrams. We've known each other a long time, and long story short, he's basically my little brother."

One of the musicians in the back hands me an acoustic guitar, so I settle it in my lap and dig one of the picks from my pocket while he adjusts the microphones in front of me. "Okay Hayden, ready whenever you are," I call and he nods. He turns to Emma, drawing her into a dance position, and I play the opening chords.

" _Some day, when I'm awfully low, when the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinking of you, and the way you look tonight…_ "

It's a good thing that I've gotten used to performing for an audience, because I can tell that the wedding guests are staring at me just as much as they are at the newlyweds. I can only imagine what they're thinking; the cripple kid playing wedding singer for the blind guy, how many more handicaps can we get into one ceremony? I try to ignore all of the stares, focusing on the song. Then my eyes pan over and find another familiar face. Tina is watching me with rapt awe, a soft, sweet smile on her lips as she sways slightly to the music. I find myself singing a little louder and with even more conviction.

" _Never, ever change, keep that breathless charm. Won't you please arrange it? 'Cause I love you, just the way you look tonight._ "

I play out the last few notes of the song, and as I do the people on the dance floor all stop in their dancing to applaud. Over the noise I hear Hayden let out an appreciative whoop, his sister Nikki is wolf whistling from where she was dancing with her two-year-old son, and I can see Tina bouncing up and down on her toes in the corner, laughing and clapping enthusiastically. My cheeks are pretty much burning like fire as I hand the guitar back to the musician, smile shyly to the wedding guests, and then roll myself down the ramp off the raised platform.

The band has just started up on a new song, a slightly faster eighties' ballad, and Tina pushes her way through the handful of people lingering at the edges of the dance floor to meet me at the bottom of the ramp. "Artie, why didn't you tell me you were gonna sing?" she asks.

"I only found out yesterday afternoon myself," I admit sheepishly. "He called me to ask if I would sing it for him. It's his favourite song, but they'd forgotten about picking a song and then they realised that the band they'd chosen only specialised in eighties classics and wouldn't have the time to learn the song. So he called and asked if I would do him a favour."

"So that's why you were so quiet on the way up here," Tina says, laughing. While this isn't entirely true, I just let her think that because I'm too embarrassed to tell her the truth. "Well you did a really great job. Sinatra, right?"

"Your date has a good ear for music." I glance past Tina with a grin and see Hayden, holding onto his new wife's elbow, stopping behind her. "Hey there Artie, still looking as sexy as ever I see."

"And you're still taller than me," I respond with a laugh. Tina looks between us for a minute and then gets a knowing smile; she's apparently just figured out where I learned to make jokes about my disability. Hayden holds out a hand and we exchange our customary, nerdy handshake. "And hi Emma," I add to the new Mrs. Hayden West. "You look amazing. And congrats."

"Thanks Artie," Emma says sweetly, swooping down to kiss my cheek lightly. "It's great to see you again, it's been so long."

"And the girl with impeccable musical taste is Tina," I say, reaching back to nudge Tina, who took partial refuge behind my chair when they approached. She takes a short, hesitant step up to stand beside me.

"Oh so we finally get to meet this infamous Tina," Hayden says with a grin that reminds me just how many things I've told him that have the potential to embarrass me. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Tina. Artie has waxed on about you in great length the last few times we've talked. And I must say, you really are just as beautiful as he said."

Emma rolls her eyes and I'm torn between laughing and being thoroughly embarrassed. Tina's face turns brilliantly pink and she simply mutters a timid thanks as she shakes his offered hand.

"Thanks again for the song, Artie," Hayden says, more seriously. "You really saved my ass with that. I'm pretty sure Emma would be filing for an annulment right now if we'd had to have our first dance to The Police."

"It's very possible," Emma agrees off-handedly with a playful smirk.

"Yeah, well you owe me one," I laugh. "So I expect a very long list of great new movie and music recommendations."

"Did you watch the other one I told you about?" Hayden asks excitedly. " _Coming Home_?"

Tina lets out a small chuckle. "Only about twenty times," she says. I glance sideways at her curiously because something sounded weird about the way she said it, but she looks normal so I figure maybe I just can't hear her right over the music.

"I told you that you'd like it," Hayden says smugly. "So Tina, Artie tells me you're a pretty fantastic singer yourself."

"I'm okay," Tina says, shrugging self-consciously.

"And that you're modest," Hayden adds with a short laugh. "You know I taught Artie absolutely everything that he knows about music."

"Yeah, he told me," Tina agrees.

Hayden looks surprised for a moment and then laughs. "Wow, he actually admitted it?" he asks, raising his eyebrows. "You must be something special. He tried to convince Emma here that he taught me about music before I told him that she'd known me since we were four and knew he was bluffing. I can hardly ever get Artie to 'fess up about himself and we're practically family."

"Hay, you're embarrassing them," Emma cuts in, giggling. I glance up at Tina and see that her face has gone nearly as pink as mine.

"Alright, sorry," Hayden says, lifting his hands in surrender. "I was just saying."

"Hey happy couple!" The shout comes from a man hoisting a professional looking camera and Hayden groans.

"That sounded like Clark," he says and Emma murmurs an affirmative. "Damn, that means it's picture time. Okay, sorry Artie but we've gotta roll." He pauses and grins when I chuckle at the little joke. "Really, if I knew that a wedding would've been such a bother, I'd had just kidnapped her and driven her down to Vegas to elope."

I laugh. "With your driving, you two'd be dead before you got out of the city," I retort and he nods unconcernedly.

"True, but at least we wouldn't be subjected to photo op after photo op," he says wistfully. Emma makes a noise of protest and he groans again. "Alright, let's go and get this over with. We'll catch up with you guys later, okay?"

Tina and I both call out "Later," as Emma leads Hayden over to the man with the camera. "He's – not quite what I expected," Tina admits thoughtfully.

"Yeah, he's a little different," I agree with a shrug.

"He's nothing like you said in your story," she says.

"It has been almost nine years since then. Think of how much you and I have changed in just the last year. People change. Especially when they grow up," I say, watching Hayden and his wife walking away. I've always seen him as the guy I've known for years, the angsty wreck victim with a passion for music who took a scared little boy under his wing at a time when they both needed someone to rely on. For most of my life, he's been like a big brother to me, (I already have one, I know, but Hayden is several years closer in age to me.) I stare at his retreating figure and try to see him the way someone would on meeting him for the first time.

He's tall and attractive, apart from the ghost white scars on the side of his face and neck. And the unfocused eyes are a little unnerving if you aren't used to them. He has opened up a lot more since leaving rehab, especially with the help of Emma and his sister. He's become almost overly extroverted, to the point where he probably comes on a little strong, but once he's comfortable with someone he becomes relaxed and more himself. The more I can think about it, the more I can understand why Tina was expecting something different.

"He's nice though," Tina says simply. "Really nice. He reminds me a lot of you. You're both a little weird, but in a sort of charming way."

I glance up at her and grin. "You're calling  _me_  weird?" I ask curiously, arching an eyebrow. "At least I'm not the princess of the Lima vampire clan." Tina snorts and slaps me playfully in the back of the head, but she's smiling. The music switches to another slow song, and as couples start drifting out onto the floor I look up at Tina again. "So, Princess Tina, you wanna dance?"

"I think I could do that," she agrees and I follow her out onto the dance floor. When we stop she turns around and looks at me expectantly, so I hold my arms out and let her climb into my lap. She makes herself comfortable, her arms draped loosely around my shoulders and her face nuzzled into the curve of my neck. She fits perfectly right there and it makes me feel warm all over.

With one arm wrapped around her waist, I use the other to slowly rotate my chair in a tight circle. A few of the couples around us are casting us strange looks but I ignore them. This moment just feels good and it's what I needed. The past few weeks have felt a bit strained, with both Tina and I caught up in our own things, but tonight feels right again.

"Thank you for coming with me today," I say and I feel Tina smile against the side of my neck.

"Thanks for inviting me," she responds. "Hayden's so important to you, I'm really glad I got to meet him." She pauses for a moment and then asks, "Does he always do that thing where he makes comments about seeing things even though he's blind?"

I laugh a little. "Yeah, he picked that up a long time ago," I explain. "He thinks it's funny. People always feel so uncomfortable when he makes comments like that. The way he said it to me, he says that since he always feels a bit awkward meeting people, not being able to see who he's meeting and all that, that by making them uncomfortable too it puts them both on even ground. Personally, I think he's just sadistic or something."

Tina chuckles quietly into my collar and nuzzles her head in closer. "I like him," she says simply, but that little declaration makes my heart jump. Tina likes Hayden, and I can tell that Hayden likes Tina too even if he never actually said anything about it. I've managed to merge the two halves of my life without any sort of apocalyptic explosion and it makes me feel, well, kind of peaceful in a way.

"I'm really gonna miss you when you go away to camp next week," I admit quietly. I feel Tina's arms tighten slightly around me and she makes a sad humming noise. "We only have six more days – three of which I've already got plans for – and then we're not going to see each other again until the first day of school. Do you have to go?"

"I told you, I'm already obligated," she says but I can tell she's not entirely pleased about it either. "Mom signed me up for it clear back in the spring. I can't drop out now or they'll be down a counsellor and have to shut down the arts section of the camp. You don't want me to deny those little kids the chance to be introduced into the arts, do you?"

I sigh heavily. "No, I suppose not," I say grudgingly. Doesn't make me any happier about losing the rest of my summer days with my girlfriend so she can go teach a bunch of weird little Asian kids how to sing and dance, not that I'm going to tell her that. Because as much as she pretends she doesn't want to go, I know she's actually excited about being able to share her love for it with those little kids. She just won't admit it.

"Just think though, maybe now you can finish that video project you've been talking about doing all summer," Tina suggests, sitting up to look me in the face now. I nod in agreement, even as a questioning look shows up on her face. "So wait, did you say that Hayden suggested that movie we're always watching to you?"

"Yeah, he's really good at picking out a decent movie," I answer, knowing immediately why she's confused. "I know, blind guy giving out movie recommendations is weird, but he's really good at it. According to him, the best movies are the ones that can be enjoyed by anyone. He knows a lot about movies. He's actually the one that first got me interested in AV and film too."

Tina's eyes go wide in surprise. "No way. Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously," I agree with a smile. "Of course, that's a whole other story entirely."


End file.
